26 Years
by intrepidclass
Summary: [J/C] [S7] "Kathryn?" he said, very calmly, "What year is this?" [COMPLETE]
1. Prologue

**Author's notes:**

- I want to thank marcygoomen for her huge contribution. She beta-ed the story (and then I rewrote parts of it, so the mistakes are all mine). But that's not all. She also read the chapters and gave me feedback as I wrote them, and she even got me out of jams by listening to my ideas, sharing some of hers and generally helping with characterization. (OK, so she also kept sending blingees of Bajoran!Chakotay to my phone at random, to scare me into finishing the fic. But I'm not thanking her for that. NO. =P)

- Definitely M, just not to MA.

- Minor angst, major fluff (as usual).

* * *

**26 Years**

_Prologue_

Chakotay felt the slightest pressure on his lips, but it didn't last long enough to fully awaken him. A few seconds later, he felt it again. This time, he also registered that there was a depression on the bed, to his left. Finally, after yet another touch, he realized there was a familiar scent in the room.

Kathryn...

He was dreaming about her again, and she was sucking on his lower lip.

One of his hands went to her neck and held her close, so he could kiss her back. The other hand traveled down her right arm until it reached her waist. He realized she was sitting on his bed.

He often dreamed about her. For the most part, those dreams weren't so different from what the two of them had been doing during the day. He'd dream they were discussing the crew in her Ready Room or going on dangerous away missions. But sometimes, not often enough, his dreams were a lot more satisfying. And the one he was having then was particularly good, mainly because it felt _very_ real. He could distinctively feel the material of her uniform under the fingers that were clasping her waist. Her tongue was warm, and he tasted coffee as he slowly stroked it with his.

She was already half-bent. It was easy enough to just pull her and move so that he had her underneath him.

"Honey," she whispered in his ear, catching her breath, "we can't do this now."

He opened his eyes to look at the chronometer, and he was surprised by what he saw. She was different in this dream. This Kathryn was many years older, and she had short, white hair. She was smiling, amused by the puzzled look on his face.

"Otherwise you'll be late for your shift. I won't have that, Commander," she added, in a tone that was nothing if not inviting, which so contradicted her words.

Chakotay expected to wake up at any moment. _Just another minute_, he thought, as if he could bargain with his subconscious. He wanted to be near her like that for a bit longer.

"You're beautiful," he said, running his fingers through her short hair to know how it felt.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere, Commander," she said. "Don't make me throw you out of the bed."

Chakotay frowned. Something wasn't right. His dreams were not usually that vivid, nor were they so detailed. It didn't make sense to him.

Kathryn noticed the confusion on his face and stroked his brow, running her fingers along the lines of his tattoo as she'd done so many times before.

"What is it, Chakotay?" she asked, softly. "Did I wake you up from a dream?"

Still clutching her hand, he sat up on the bed. She moved to a sitting position as well, and brought his fingers to her lips.

"Was it about me?" she asked, kissing his knuckles, one by one.

Something was definitely not right! That didn't feel like a dream to him at all, and he wasn't waking up. He remembered having dinner with her the previous night, in her quarters. He remembered telling her all about the away mission from which he had just returned. And, once they had said goodnight, he'd just walked back to his quarters and read for some time until he fell asleep.

But they weren't in his quarters then, they were in hers. Still, he recognized some of his objects there. His eyes went back to her and he saw that she looked worried. Kathryn searched his face, squeezing his hand in hers.

It was then that he noticed something odd about his hands. Hurriedly, he got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. In the mirror, he could see he was older as well. His hair was completely gray and there were many lines on his face that he didn't recognize. Slowly, he walked back to the room.

"Kathryn?" he said, very calmly, "What year is this?"

She had been a Starfleet Officer long enough to take that question very seriously. With a very stern face that in no way matched the rush of her thoughts, she replied.

"2404."

=/\=


	2. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1_

"There are no traces of chroniton particles in his body," the Doctor said, hovering a scanner over Chakotay. He was occupying one of the biobeds in Sickbay, and Kathryn was standing next to it while holding his hand. He enjoyed the contact, but it also added to his confusion that she didn't seem to care if anyone else saw it.

For her part, she had been watching him, even if she knew she should be trying to focus. Obviously, she wouldn't do any good to him if she kept conjecturing. Rather, it would be better to detach herself, emotionally, so she could look at the problem in a scientific way. Normally, it wasn't difficult for her. But the look of awe on Chakotay's face made it hard not to worry.

"I'll have to run additional scans," the Doctor continued. Chakotay noticed he didn't look older, not even slightly.

"This could still have been caused by some kind of temporal anomaly, even if you didn't find any traces of chroniton radiation," Kathryn said.

"It's unlikely that this anomaly you propose would have affected only him. So far, there have been no reports from other members of the crew experiencing the same symptoms."

"Still, it's possible," she said, sounding almost hopeful.

She tapped her commbadge.

"Janeway to Seven of Nine."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. The captain hadn't listened to a word he'd said.

"Seven of Nine here," came the reply. "Go ahead, Captain."

Chakotay thought Seven sounded different. Her inflexion was not as monotonous as before. She sounded more natural, but he couldn't tell for sure. The overhead light made it hard for him to concentrate and his head ached.

"Seven," Kathryn said, "I want you to scan for any temporal anomalies we might have gone through during the past few hours."

"Understood."

"Report to me as soon as you find anything."

"Yes, Captain. Seven out."

She sighed and held his hand even more firmly.

"Captain," the Doctor said, softly, "there are many other possible causes to what is happening to the commander. And not all of them have something to do with temporal distortions."

"What do you mean?" Chakotay asked.

"This is just a hypothesis, naturally, but... I'd be remiss if I didn't check for pathogens. It is not uncommon for a patient to suffer from memory loss due to brain infection. Or head injury. I should also check the logs of your prev-"

He didn't finish, because Chakotay suddenly interrupted by sitting straight on the bed.

"Memory loss?" he asked, with alarm. Then he got up.

"Commander, please calm down. I was running a scan!" the Doctor complained.

"You're telling me I might have forgotten the last 26 years of my life and you want me to calm down?" Chakotay said, furiously.

Kathryn felt the muscles on her throat contract. _26 years..._

"Commander, please let me do my job," pleaded the Doctor. Chakotay didn't seem to have listened, and so he redirected his plea. "Captain, please! Convince your husband to stay still for a moment!"

Chakotay's head snapped up. He stopped pacing and just looked at her. Going around the biobed, she walked up to him and once again took his hand. She was all too aware of how shocked he looked and of what it meant. Still, he _was_ her husband. And Kathryn didn't know how else to talk to him, not anymore.

"Honey, please," she whispered.

She looked troubled, almost scared, and that was something he'd give anything to be able to assuage, regardless of which point in time or space he currently occupied.

Regardless of how sane he was...

The possibility that he had somehow forgotten part of his life disturbed him, to say the least. But seeing relief in her eyes when he let her lead him back to the biobed was comforting.

"That's better. Thank you," the Doctor said, trying, and failing, to masquerade his concern with a patronizing attitude. "Now, if you'll just let me finish these scans, I'll release you to your quarters and analyze the data on my own."

He noticed the captain kept her eyes on either his tricorder or on the monitor by the bed. Chakotay's gaze, however, didn't leave her face. The Doctor thought he seemed to be willing her to look at him.

"Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway," came the voice over the comm.

"What did you find, Seven?" Kathryn asked.

"Nothing, Captain. We didn't pass through any temporal anomalies during the past few days. None that our sensors were able to detect, anyway."

Chakotay didn't seem to be paying attention. His gaze was still locked on Kathryn's face. When she finally did look at him, the monitor registered an increase in his heart rate. The Doctor rolled his eyes again but, this time, he was smiling.

=/\=


	3. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

The two of them materialized in the living room area of their quarters. He was wearing the same cotton pants he wore the previous night, or at least on the last night he could remember, and it hadn't seemed appropriate to walk the corridors in his pajama bottoms.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I just... my head hurts," he replied, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead with his right hand.

"Computer, dim lights by 75%," she said. Then there was a familiar beep as the computer acknowledged her command.

"Lights dimmed by 75%."

"Is that better?" she asked, caressing his forehead and the side of his face without even thinking about it.

He didn't answer, but further pressed her hand against his cheek with his own. The gesture seemed so full of meaning that it took her by surprise. Putting her other hand on his shoulder for balance, she came closer and stood on tiptoe, so she could kiss the top of his head. Immediately after, his arms came around her waist, enclosing her.

"You haven't had anything to eat," she said, gently disentangling herself and walking to the replicator.

"So we've reversed roles, then. Now it's _you_ who has to convince _me_ to eat."

"Only when there's a temporal distortion," she said, smiling.

Chakotay could see she was trying to lighten the mood, but he also knew that neither of them found the situation the least bit amusing. He sat down on the nearest chair, and she ordered a few items off the replicator. He found he couldn't stop staring at her while she set the table. There was genuine awe in him, of how easy it was for her to touch him and to be so frank. It all meant so much, and she just distributed those gestures as if they were commonplace.

She could see he was looking, his face a mixture of longing and confusion, and she sat down beside him. Again, Kathryn took both his hands in hers. He wanted to turn her hands in his and kiss her palms and the inner part of her wrists, but he didn't.

"Tell me the last thing you remember," she started.

"Yesterday, I..." he stopped to correct himself. "The day that seems like yesterday to me, I took a shuttle to survey an M-class planet for food and supplies. We're looking... we _were_ looking for a probe that was sent from Earth during the 21st century. It's our first Starfleet assignment since we've reestablished contact with Starfleet. We've been looking for the probe for the past 3 days, without any luck."

She nodded, as if she remembered, and he went on.

"I got back and we had dinner in your quarters. We enjoyed it, we _always_ enjoy it. But we didn't... we weren't..." he didn't finish the sentence. "After that, I went to bed. In my quarters. And when I woke up, I was... here. Kathryn, I don't understand. How can I fall asleep in 2378 and wake up in 2404?"

"I don't know, Chakotay, but we'll find out. All of us, together. We'll talk to the others."

From the moment he'd woken up, she'd been nothing but caring. She'd treated him like that before, usually when he'd ended up in Sickbay. But he would never have guessed she'd be capable of such unabashed tenderness toward him. That was so unlike the Kathryn he'd had dinner with the night before. Come to think of it, it was much more like the Kathryn he'd met, all those years ago.

"Are you really my wife?" he whispered, as if he were afraid she'd dismiss it.

She didn't. Instead, she looked down.

"Yes. Yes, I am. But that doesn't matter now, we don't have to-"

She tried to pull her hands away, but he didn't let her. After kissing her palms and wrists like he'd been longing to do, he continued.

"How long have we been married?"

"We got married 10 years ago. By a lake, on a beautiful uninhabited planet."

She didn't want to overwhelm him with information. But the details would help if he had, indeed, lost his memory, like the Doctor had suggested might be the case.

"Did we elope?" he asked, jokingly.

"Oh, no, the whole crew was there."

"Even Tuvok?" he smiled. "I'm surprised he didn't try to stop me, a lowly former Maquis, from marrying his best friend."

After he said that, her expression changed into one of sadness.

"What is it, Kathryn?" he asked, softly.

"Chakotay, if you were indeed somehow thrown into your future, I've already said more than I should."

"No. You haven't. I can see we're not home yet. And now I know we got married. But it would have been hard to miss anyway."

She gave him a tiny smile.

"If I had come from the past, wouldn't I look like I did last night? I wouldn't have aged."

"We don't know that," she said. "And I don't think I should tell you anything else until we know for certain."

"Kathryn..."

"We'll talk after the briefing," she said, sternly, and then changed her tone into something milder. "You haven't said 'no' to me in years," she said, as she placed kisses along the line of his jaw. "You're not going to start _now_, are you?"

He knew he was being manipulated. But, oh, how effective it was! He would've given her anything at that moment.

She got up and contacted Tom over the comm, to set up the meeting. He stood still, with his eyes closed.

Chakotay didn't know whether he'd gone through a wormhole, if he had some virus inside his brain or if all that was Q's idea of fun at his expense. But he realized that, oddly enough, he didn't care. He was rapidly getting used to the idea of being exactly where _and when_ he was.

=/\=


	4. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

Chakotay couldn't help but feel a little taken aback by seeing his friends in this reality (or whatever it was). He took each of their appearances in as they sat around him and Kathryn in the Briefing Room.

This B'Elanna looked very much like the one he remembered, but her hair was longer and starting to gray. She had arrived with Tom, the sides of their bodies touching as they walked. Chakotay thought it probably meant they were still married. Tom's hair was still blond, but he had bald spots. The couple smiled at him as they sat down.

Next came Lieutenants Vorik and Ayala. _This is new_, Chakotay thought. Vorik seemed to have aged very little, probably due to the longer Vulcan lifespan. And Mike Ayala's hair was no longer black, but the man still looked as fit as when Chakotay had first met him.

The last-comers were the Doctor and Seven of Nine. Seven didn't have implants on her face and hand anymore, and she wore a regular Science-blue Starfleet uniform.

When they were all settled and, apparently, already informed of his... situation (they were all looking at him curiously), Kathryn began.

"As you already know, Commander Chakotay-"

"Where's Harry?" Chakotay interrupted, surprised that they were starting without him.

What he saw then was a group of people reacting as one: all of them, without exception, looked wounded. The reaction was so unique and overwhelming that he knew at once that Harry was dead. His shoulders dropped, and he looked down. He felt Kathryn take his hand under the table.

"Chakotay," she said, swallowing, "Harry died 3 years ago."

"Harry can't have died, I was just with him yester-" He stopped himself once he realized how absurd he must sound to the others. "What happened?" he asked. "And what happened to Tuvok?"

He was agitated. Harry was his friend and, in a sense, so was Tuvok. How could he have forgotten their deaths? And if that was the future, could he go back and do something to prevent their demise? He felt Kathryn's hand on his face and realized she was talking to him.

"I know what you're thinking, and I know how you must be feeling. But they're not here, and you are. We need to focus on the situation we have on our hands _now_. I'll answer all your questions later. But, right now, we need to find out what's happening to _you_."

He could feel himself blushing. She really didn't care that there were other people there with them. And she was so gentle with him, her tone of voice so soft, that she somewhat looked younger. He could _see_ she wasn't younger. But, again, he thought about how much she reminded him of who she was during their first couple of years in the Delta Quadrant. He looked at this Kathryn, his... _wife_, and he could see that other one. She behaved toward him as she did before the romantic aspect of their relationship, her guilt and the Delta Quadrant got in the way.

Her tone, if not her words, calmed him down. He nodded his assent and the meeting was resumed.

The first to report was the Doctor. He hadn't found any microorganisms that could be responsible for his memory loss. Nor did Chakotay have any concussions or other type of injury that justified his condition. The Doctor would run more thorough scans on the samples of tissue he already had. But his preliminary results favored the temporal distortion hypothesis.

"But if I've come from the past, then where's the Chakotay who's been living here in the present? Shouldn't there be two of us?"

"Not necessarily," B'Elanna answered. "This could be a different timeline from the one you remember."

"B'Elanna is correct," said Seven. "Several incidents like this have been reported by the Enterprise in 2370. We have a report on the ship's database from General Worf, then a lieutenant serving on the Enterprise, involving a temporal rift."

"I seem to remember reading Ambassador Picard's logs on some similar event that occurred around that time," Kathryn said, squinting her eyes. "Actually, he reported waking up repeatedly in different points in time, same as you, Chakotay."

"Well, I'm not shifting, but... I think we should try to determine if my present and your past are from the same timeline."

"Why don't you tell us about your present? Then we can see if it's the same as we remember it," said B'Elanna.

Chakotay thought about it and decided it would be best to be very specific. It was possible to have very similar timelines. Hell, it was even possible to have timelines that were identical but for the fact that, one day, he decided to wear a white shirt instead of a blue one. However, being specific was the best way he could think of to tell them apart, if it was possible and if, indeed, they weren't the same.

He started with B'Elanna.

"Almost three years ago," he said, "we were on the holodeck and I told you that losing people was inevitable, but that you had a family on Voyager, and that you were stuck with us. Do you remembered that?"

She smiled.

"You told me we'd figure it out together," she said, her smile widening. "Yeah, I remember that."

"When you were promoted to Lieutenant," Chakotay said to Tom, "I ordered you to open the case that contained the new pip. And I told you that you were not only late but also not properly dressed. You should have seen your face when you arrived on the Bridge and we reprimanded you for being 20 seconds late."

"Yeah, you and the captain must have gotten a real kick out of planning that little scheme," Tom said. "I always wondered how you managed to get Tuvok on board."

"It was easier than you'd think," Kathryn said. "He practically jumped at the idea."

Chakotay related other similarly personal stories about some of the other people who were present. For example, he remembered drinking synthehol all night with Mike just a couple of weeks before, when the latter learned, after the comm link with Earth was established, that his older kid had had a son. All the stories checked, and even the dialog the two parties involved could recall was the same.

"Well, we can't be 100% sure, of course," said Kathryn, "but it seems that our timelines are the same."

"When was the last time we saw Q?" Chakotay asked.

"It's been a while," said Tom.

"Not long enough," added Ayala.

Kathryn chuckled. "Junior visits frequently enough, but he wouldn't do anything like this."

"Junior?" Chakotay said, surprised.

"Yes, well... I _am_ his godmother, remember?"

"We haven't exhausted all the possibilities," said Vorik. "Commander Chakotay's condition might be the Q-continuum's doing. And it might also be the result of some sort of temporal rift we've not yet been able to detect. However, the simplest explanation is that the commander is suffering from either temporary or permanent memory loss. I'd recommend we explore that theory first.

"I'm already on it, Mr. Vorik", said the Doctor, impatiently.

"Perhaps I should join Icheb in Astrometics to see if we can modify the sensors to scan for other types of radiation," suggested Seven.

"Yes, Seven, that's a good idea," Kathryn said.

Seven got up and left.

"I'll run a diagnostics on the transporters. Transporter accidents have been known to cause temporal shifting," said B'Elanna.

"And I'll... I'll pilot the ship," began Tom. "'Cause somebody has to... pilot the ship... while you all..."

Kathryn couldn't suppress the smile that came to her lips. Then she turned to the others.

"Report to me with any new findings. Dismissed."

They all got up. Chakotay lingered behind, because he wanted to talk to Kathryn. There was so much he had to ask! But B'Elanna and Tom seemed to be doing the same thing.

"Hey, big guy," B'Elanna said to Chakotay. "You should come give me a hand."

"I'm sure you can manage without me, B'Elanna," he replied.

"No, really," she said, "I want you to come."

When had B'Elanna become so protective of Kathryn? He only wanted to ask her a few things. It was not as if he could – or would – put her in an awkward position. She was fully capable of deciding just how much faith she had in the Temporal Prime Directive and whether it was applicable at all.

"Look, B'Elanna, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but Kathryn and I can sort this out," he said.

"You were always like this, weren't you?" She rolled her eyes. "Not everything is about your precious Kathryn, Chakotay. No offense, Captain."

"None taken," she said, sincerely.

"There's just someone in the Transporter Room I want you to meet. Now come on, old man! Don't make me kick your butt."

Chakotay laughed. _That _hadn't changed. He exchanged a look with Kathryn and started to walk toward the door.

"Yeah," said Tom, as they were about to leave. "And you know she could, old man."

Chakotay stopped. Deliberately, he placed a hand on Tom's shoulder.

"Tom, for all I know, we may have been like brothers during these past few years. But, regardless of what happened, I've know B'Elanna a lot longer. She can call me anything she wants. You... well, you'd better just watch it."

For a few seconds, Tom was not sure whether he was serious or not. But Kathryn and B'Elanna, who knew better, were smiling.

"Yes, sir!" Tom said, and Chakotay smiled as well.

He left with B'Elanna, and Tom looked at Kathryn, opening his arms in confusion and mouthing something she couldn't understand. Then he rolled his eyes and went after them.

=/\=


	5. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4_

Miral Paris was exactly 26 years old, and she looked just like her mother.

"Commander," she said, formally, standing up straight.

"This is my daughter, Chakotay. I named her after my mother," B'Elanna said.

Chakotay was very touched to see the woman he had before him. He remembered B'Elanna being pregnant. Suddenly to find out that her baby had turned into a capable Ops Officer was both pleasantly surprising and sad, because it also reminded him of what he had either lost or forgotten.

"At ease, Ensign," he said, smiling. Then he turned to B'Elanna. "Both parents served on a Maquis ship and she calls me _commander_. Didn't you teach her anything, B'Elanna?"

The two women chuckled.

"I need to get to work on these transporter logs," B'Elanna said. "But your shift is about to end, right?" she asked Miral, who nodded. "Then talk to your uncle for a while, Miral, will you, before he drives your aunt insane."

Chakotay frowned as B'Elanna went to the console. He didn't appreciate condescension, even when it was well-meant. Miral laughed.

"I know, I hate that tone too," she said, in a confidential voice. "But we were supposed to meet today anyway, at the Arboretum. That is, if you still wanna come, Commander."

"We have an Arboretum now?" he asked.

"In a sense."

"Are you really that formal with me?"

"Only when I'm on duty." As she finished her sentence, another Ensign, a young Bajoran, came in to take her place. "And that's a wrap. Hey, Jolan."

"Hey Miral. Commander, Lieutenant Commander," the young man said. Chakotay had never seen him.

"The Arboretum sounds great," he finally told her.

"Let's go then. Bye, mom. See you later, Jolan."

They left the Transporter Room and took the nearest turbolift.

"Deck 6," she said to the computer.

"Who's that young man?" Chakotay asked.

"Do you really not remember anything? Don't you remember me at all?" Miral asked.

"I remember harassing your mother to make me your godfather when she was still pregnant with you," he offered, trying to sound cheerful.

"That Ensign you saw right now, his name is Tal Jolan. He's the son of Crewman Tal Celes and-"

"Let me guess... Billy Telfer?" Chakotay asked.

Miral laugued. "That's right", she said.

The turbolift stopped and she lead the way through the corridor.

"They're one of the many couples who got married on the ship over the years. Just like you and Aunt Kathryn."

Chakotay felt his cheeks warm. Until "yesterday", which wasn't yesterday at all, he'd struggled daily to subdue his feelings for Kathryn. He would often find himself staring when she wasn't looking, at least until he remembered that, even if she couldn't see it, others could. Suddenly to have everybody know about what he felt for her made him feel... exposed. He changed the focus of the conversation.

"What about you, Miral? Do you like anyone in special?" he asked.

They stopped just outside Holodeck 2.

"Haven't you heard?" she asked, pressing a button on the panel to open the door. "Klingons are not exactly versed on the subtleties of Human courtship. And on a ship this small, with so few people, mostly humans... oh, you need all the subtlety you can muster."

Chakotay could see she was trying to belittle the situation, and herself. He didn't know Miral yet, but she seemed a lot less belligerent than her mother had been, which made all of that seem fake. Still considering the issue, he looked around.

So that was the Arboretum. It seemed like a public holodeck program. He could see other crew members walking around, sitting on benches, having picnics... The view was beautiful. There were many different species of plants. He could smell pine tress and he could feel the warmth of the sun on his face. It was pleasant, even if it wasn't as pleasant as the real thing.

"This is nice," he said. "Do we keep the program running at all times?"

"Yes, but it changes every two weeks. Last week, we had an amusement park, courtesy of Crewman Sofin. Two weeks before that, it was a sea aquarium, chosen by Aunt Kathryn. You had the computer make a random list with all of our names. So one of us gets to pick a theme every two weeks. It was my father's idea. He's the one who comes up with all the programing."

"It does sound like Tom," Chakotay said.

"Well, after so many years stranded in the Delta Quadrant, we have to keep finding ways not to go bananas."

He smiled. She sounded just like her father.

"So... what do we do when we come to the holodeck?" he asked.

"We talk. We just walk around and talk," she said, taking his arm.

"OK. And what do we talk about?"

"Don't be like that, Uncle, come on," she said.

"Miral, you do realize I don't know anything about what happened in the past 26 years, right?"

"I know, I know," she said, resigned. "But it seems so... well, weird. You and I, we're pretty close. I can talk to you more than I can talk to my parents, or even to Aunt Kathryn." Her tone changed, suddenly. "Incidentally, if you ever tell any of them I said that, I'll just explain how confused you are. And you know that, given the present circumstances, they'll believe me!"

He laughed.

"I know this is a lot harder on you than it is on me," she said. "Still, it doesn't feel too great to know you don't remember me at all. I know I'm being egocentric but, what can I say? With the parents I have, it would be a wonder if I _hadn't_ turned out to be a selfish brat."

"Why do you do that? You say things that aren't true in order to diminish yourself," Chakotay said.

"Memory or no memory, nothing gets by you, huh?" she said, smiling.

"Well, I still _am_ the first officer," he replied.

"Let's just say I can be a little self-conscious about excelling. At anything. You know, with my parents and godparents being senior officers and all that. I don't want people to think of favoritism. And let's leave it at that."

He wanted to press the matter further, but he respected her unwillingness to do so and said nothing.

After a few more moments of walking in silent, arm in arm, they reached the bank of a small stream.

"Would you like to sit down?" he asked her.

She nodded and they sat on a nearby bench.

"We keep talking about me," Miral said. "But I think you're just avoiding talking about you."

"I'm not avoiding it. I'm just... I don't know what to think. I'd expect myself, and the people around me, to be a lot more despondent about this situation. Yet, I don't feel any of that. I'm confused, yes, but I don't feel out-of-place. On the contrary, it's as if this, this here," he said, looking around them, "were more natural to me than anything I've experienced before. I... I must be in Sickbay, unconscious, dreaming up all this because..."

"Because it's what you've always wanted?" she asked, tentatively.

"Yes. I only ever wanted to go back to the Alpha Quadrant because that's what _she_ wants, because I know it would make her happy. As for me, well... I just don't see the point of living for a future that might not come. I prefer to focus on what's real: this ship, this crew, this life. As far as I'm concerned, _this_ is home, not Earth. And now that I know we've been here for a while and that many of us made families for ourselves... Well, that feeling of being unwilling to dismiss what we've accomplished is even stronger."

"This ship is the only home I've ever known, so I couldn't agree with you more. I never wanted to go to the Alpha Quadrant," she said.

"Just one thing, Miral... If you ever tell anyone what I said about going back to Earth, you'll be scrubbing plasma conduits for 3 months." She laughed. "And I'll tell your parents they raised a heartless daughter who thinks it's entertaining to twist the words of a confused old man."

"That's more like it," she said, still laughing. "That's much more like you and me."

She kissed his cheek.

"So... are you really driving Aunt Kathryn insane?"

"I keep asking her questions, and she's still not sure whether she should answer them or not."

"Oh, so that's why my mother made sure we spent time together," Miral said.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I'll answer any questions you have. It's like this. Everybody who was born on the ship studied the required Starfleet curriculum. Even if we were instructed by the officers aboard the ship, we always sat through the same exams as the cadets who were, at the time, taking the same courses at the Academy. So in a sense, we _are_ Starfleet Officers. We've had the same training, and Kahless knows my parents wouldn't stop talking about Starfleet principles as I was growing up! But my duty has always been to this ship. When I consider a course of action, I don't think about what Starfleet expects of me. I think about what the captain of this ship expects of me. My devotion is to_ her_. Her happiness, and yours, is a lot more important to me then some vague directive. I know she won't be too thrilled about me telling you stuff. But I don't feel as compelled to blindly uphold Starfleet principles as she does. Plus... it's not like she gave me a direct order not to tell you anything."

Chakotay smiled. He thought about how interesting it was that things had a way of repeating themselves. Those words Miral had just spoken could have come out of his mouth. Maybe the fact that they had a close relationship was due to that similar way of thinking.

He'd often wondered about what would happen if they ever got back to Earth. He knew he'd either be sent to prison or commended for his years of service aboard Voyager. He also knew he didn't feel worthy of any Starfleet commendations: he didn't do anything for Starfleet, he did it for _her_.

"If we're still in contact with Starfleet, how come we were never able to perfect slipstream technology to get home?" he asked.

"Well, we tried, and they tried. Lieutenant Barclay assembled a team on Earth and we've coordinated our research and our efforts for years. We ran several tests, until..." she stopped, suddenly. "Do you know about Uncle Harry?"

His expression became serious.

"I know Harry is dead. But I don't know what happened."

"He was killed during one of those tests, due to a phase variance in the system. We could never compensate for that. Our algorithms just weren't advanced enough. And after what happened, Aunt Kathryn decided to stop trying. Actually, she was very adamant about it. I think she blames herself."

"She would," he said. "What about Tuvok? How did he..." he stopped, unable to bring himself to say the word.

"Uncle Tuvok... You should have seen his face when I called him that," she said, smiling. "Well, he... he had a degenerative Vulcan disease. It quickly progressed over his last years," she said, lowering her head.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about all of it," he said. "I didn't ask Kathryn about Neelix. I guess I didn't want to know the answer."

At the mention of Neelix, Miral's face lit up. "He's fine! He's fine. He has a family. He stayed behind many years ago. We've never met, not in person. But he keeps in touch. You'd be surprised at how much he still knows about the rumor mill on this ship."

Chakotay was glad for the respite. If on the one hand he felt a pang in his heart for Harry and Tuvok, on the other hand, he knew that what he felt wasn't enough. It was as if, due to his particular situation, he couldn't accept those deaths as final. If he was indeed in the future and he somehow managed to go back to his own time, he knew he could try to prevent those terrible events from happening. That possibility alone was enough to keep him from experiencing the finality and the grief of it all.

He looked at the holographic sun and felt a cool breeze ruffle through his hair. _Nice touch, Tom,_ he thought.

He enjoyed being with Miral, and he was glad he was finally getting some answers. But his mind kept going back to Kathryn. He couldn't get over the fact that they were married. And, more persistently, he couldn't help but think about how she'd kissed him that morning.

"You're thinking about her, aren't you?" Miral asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"About whom?" he said, smiling and only halfheartedly feigning ignorance.

"You know... I used to think you were married, ever since I can remember. Long before you actually got married. 'Cause you were always together. You arrived at parties and meetings together, you came to our school presentations together... You even babysat me together."

"We've always been best friends," he said, sheepishly.

"Yeah, friends," she repeated, rolling her eyes. "For you, yesterday was 26 years ago. But you're already in love with her, aren't you?"

Again, he wasn't comfortable with having his feelings on display like that, and so he changed the subject.

"So I babysat for your parents," he said. "That means they probably still owe me. If you're like this now, I can only imagine how much trouble you must have given us when you were younger."

"Oh, no, I behaved myself when I was with you. You know Aunt Kathryn can be very... persuasive. Besides, I liked being with the two of you. And I've always known better than to disobey my mother."

Chakotay was amazed at how easy it was to talk to her. Technically, she was a stranger to him. But he had felt an unreasonable affection for her ever since he'd found out her mother was pregnant. He remembered when Kathryn told him about it, over the comm, suggesting they met in Engineering to congratulate the mother-to-be. He remembered teasing B'Elanna about it, only to be joined in his efforts by Kathryn a few moments later.

They really _were_ always together.

Chakotay and Miral talked for a few more minutes. She was telling him about the other members of the crew when they heard a chirp.

"Naomi to Miral," said the voice.

Miral tapped her commbadge.

"What is it, Naomi?"

"Aren't you coming? Icheb is crushing our Romulan Warbirds, and Jolan is not even here to help him at Ops."

"I'll be right there"

She looked at Chakotay.

"Romulan Warbirds?" he asked, smiling.

"Yeah, don't ask. But I'll stay with you, if you want to," she offered.

"No, it's all right. I'm sure the Tal Shiar needs you more than I do right now."

So they walked to the exit together, enjoying the sights and sounds of the afternoon while talking casually.

Once they'd said goodbye, Chakotay went back to the turbolift. Kathryn had promised they'd talk later, and there was nothing he wanted more at that moment than to see her.

=/\=


	6. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

"Computer, locate Captain Janeway," Chakotay said as he walked down the corridor.

"Captain Janeway is in her Ready Room," the computer replied.

It would be a few hours before beta-shift ended. He knew she had been on duty for several. When she'd waken him up that morning, she seemed to be coming in from working gamma-shift. Then they had spent most of alpha-shift, during which _he_ was scheduled for duty, in Sickbay and then the Briefing Room. But at that very moment, she was still working. And he just knew she wouldn't have had anything to eat, nor gotten any rest.

He went to their quarters. _Their quarters_... that seemed so strange, even if he didn't say the words aloud. It wasn't unpleasant, though. Quite the contrary. He smiled to himself as he entered the room, and then he took in his surroundings.

Their quarters seemed quite comfortable. He knew most of the objects that decorated the living room. A few of them he recognized from the countless times he'd been there as a guest. Others had been in his room, one deck below, and there were also new items that he assumed had been collected after 2378.

The bedroom looked tidy enough, except for the bed, which hadn't been made. He took care of that, feeling a lurch in his stomach at the notion that he shared that bed with _her_.

There were many more signs of their joint existence in that space. As he entered the bathroom, he was welcomed by a whiff of her scent, probably from the bottle she'd left unceremoniously open on the counter, next to his aftershave. As he showered and changed, he noticed that everything was doubled: there were two towels, and two bushes and two sets of uniforms in the closet. He ran his fingers over the sleeve of her jacket. Those objects wanted him to believe that it was a natural, simple matter. They spoke of a quiet intimacy that, to him, seemed just as peaceful and beautiful as it was unattainable.

_Just like Kathryn_, he thought.

Something had changed over the years, something that had made them acknowledge what they felt. That something _mattered_, and he needed to know exactly what it was.

=/\=

When Kathryn came in a couple of hours later, she smiled when she saw he had arranged dinner. The lights were dimmed and there were candles on the table. (He'd thought about it carefully and decided in favor of candles. After all, they had always had them, even when dinner was all about work.) Something smelled very appetizing, and she recognized the music in the background as Dvořák. He was one of Chakotay's favorites, but then she couldn't remember whether _that_ Chakotay had already told her about it.

He smiled when he saw her and greeted her as he usually did, asking about her day and offering her a drink (in that case, wine). But before she answered to any of it, she put her arms around him and pressed her cheek to his chest.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you all day," she whispered. "How's your head?" she asked, touching his left temple.

Again, he thought about how much she reminded him of how she was during their first years in the Delta Quadrant. That was the Kathryn who never pushed him away, not even when she had tears in her eyes... not even when something he said indicated his feelings for her. If that was a point in the future of the same timeline from which he'd come... or even if he'd simply forgotten the past decades, then something must have happened to change her attitude. He wondered if he'd had any part in it.

It was so easy just to follow her lead and allow himself to be lighthearted around her. It made him giddy.

"What? I didn't hear you," he said, unable to keep from smiling. She eyed him suspiciously and put her hands on her waist.

"I asked about your head," she repeated, a lot less gently.

"Oh, my head's fine. I heard that the first time, just not what you said before."

She narrowed her eyes even more.

"You're gonna have to speak up, Kathryn. I'm an old, old man..."

Her next reaction was to raise an eyebrow. He wondered if they always teased each other like that, and smiled inwardly at the fact that he didn't know what would appeal to her more, provocation or gentleness. _Both_, he hypothesized, _alternatively_, depending on the reaction he wanted.

She looked at him, studying his face.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you all day," she repeated, almost pouting. "I wanted to be with you."

"You are now," he said. He thought about kissing her, so much so that he couldn't help but look at her lips. Kathryn smiled.

"And what's all this?" she said, pointing at the table.

"I'm willing to bet you haven't eaten all day. You're too stubborn to have changed, and considering you've lost weight over the years, I think I can safely assume you haven't changed at all."

She sighed and gesticulated with one hand, putting the other on her waist. Her tone was purposely dramatic.

"I come home, I tell him I haven't stopped thinking about him all day, I tell him how badly I wanted to be with him... and he tells me to eat something 'cause I'm too thin!"

She was obviously kidding, talking about him in the third person and waving her arm around as if she was complaining to some invisible entity.

Still, it worked. In an instant, he was very close to her again, taking her hand in his and kissing her palm.

"You _know_ that's not what I said. You're beautiful."

How was it possible to recognize every instance in which she tried to manipulate him and still be unable to prevent it? He supposed it was because she'd had years to find out just what would work on him, whereas he was only starting.

She gave him a genuine smile. Normally, the compliment would have earned him a kiss. She sighed and rested her palms against his chest.

"Do I have time to shower? I don't want to spoil dinner," she said.

"Of course. I'll be right here."

Her smile widened, and left for their room.

Chakotay leaned against the counter, crossed his arms over his chest and took a deep breath.

The rooms and the objects in them weren't the only things that made all of it seem simple. Being with her and talking to her was so uncomplicated that it made him think all he had to do was reach out.

But how had it become so easy? What made her finally give in?

He was still pondering the subject when she came back. But then all coherent thinking left his mind.

She wore a steel-gray, straight-cut dress that somehow still managed to hug her hips. It had long sleeves and a scoop neck, and it ended just above her knees. She also wore a pendant made out of a circular-shaped blue stone. The stone was streaked with white, and it reminded him of Earth, when viewed from its moon.

Kathryn came closer and stood on tiptoe, kissing him on the cheek. She was so near him that it was hard to keep up the pretense of formality. Whatever reticence he had, she didn't seem to share it.

He took the pendant between his fingers.

"This is beautiful," Chakotay said.

"Oh, _you_ would think so," she answered, teasingly. "You made this for me."

"Because it looks like Earth," he concluded.

"Yes. You found it on a planet... maybe 10 thousand light-years away from here." She sighed. "You gave it to me as a wedding gift."

"And you decided to wear it tonight," he said, stating rather than asking.

She put her hand on his cheek, stroking his face with her thumb.

"I miss you," she whispered. But then her tone changed. "So, as can you see, I've become soft with old age."

"I'm sorry," he said, covering her hand with his own.

"What for, honey? None of this is your fault."

"I know. But I'm still sorry."

"Let's not think about that right now. We don't know all the facts yet, and we've already discussed every single hypothesis we could think of. Let's just... let's just enjoy our evening together. Maybe the Doctor will have something for us in the morning."

He nodded.

"You were right, you know," she continued. "I haven't had anything to eat all day."

=/\=

After a delicious dinner of salad and butternut squash lasagna, they sat somewhat across from each other in the living room area. He occupied one of the armchairs and blew on his coffee as he looked at her through the fragrant vapor.

She seemed comfortable, sipping her coffee and enjoying Dvořák's Romance in F minor (Op. 11). His observant gaze didn't bother her, but she'd much rather be sitting nearer him.

They had talked about the ship and the crew over dinner. She'd told him about what improvements they'd managed to add to Voyager over the years, as well as about the most interesting away missions they'd either participated in or coordinated. Then he introduced a new topic.

"I spend several hours with Miral today," he said.

"Oh?"

"She told me we babysat her...?"

Kathryn laughed.

"Oh, yes, we did. And we loved every minute of it. But just so you know, we've agreed we'd never let her parents know. To this day, they still think they owe us."

"That's clever of us."

"Isn't it?"

"Tell me about it," he asked her.

"You were always her favorite, ever since she was little. You are so good with children. Always a game, always a story! And we were so taken in with the kid that we just spoiled her and did whatever she wanted. For her 8th birthday, we took her camping on the holodeck. You taught her how to swim," she sighed. "That was a lovely weekend."

"We took a whole weekend off? You and I both?"

"Well, yes. It was her birthday present. That and the fact that we _were_ going through a particularly deserted region of space."

He grinned over the brim of his cup and took another sip of coffee.

"We had a good time even when we couldn't use the holodeck. You once turned my quarters into a blanket fort. And Miral wanted to sleep in it so, naturally, we slept in it. It was... it was nice. We got to spend time with her. And we also got to spend time with each other."

He could picture the scene perfectly: three sleeping bags under the makeshift blanket roof, with only a flashlight for light source. Miral's bed, the one in the middle, would be empty. She would have insisted on sleeping with Kathryn and they would, of course, have indulged her. He'd tell her one of the stories his father used to tell him when he was little. And then he'd talk to Kathryn well into the night, whispering so as not to awaken the girl. He'd also allow himself to fantasize about having a kid of their own, someday. And that would make him go quiet for fear of telling her exactly what he was thinking.

For a moment, he wondered whether he was imagining that scene or simply remembering it. He couldn't tell.

"Kathryn," he began, softly. "What happened? What changed?"

"There you go again," she said. Then she added, in a low, sultry voice. "Wanting answers to questions you shouldn't ask..."

He shook his head and smiled, thinking back to when he'd said those exact same words to her.

"You're changing the subject."

"Of course I am, honey."

He smiled.

"I like to hear you call me that. What do I call _you_?"

"Oh, Chakotay. That's not fair," she complained, only half in earnest.

"I'm sure telling me that won't pose any threats to the space-time continuum, Kathryn" he said.

"Well, you see... Right now, you would have said something like..." she lowered her tone. "Darling, I'm sure telling me that won't pose any threats to the space-time continuum." She went back to her own tone of voice. "You call me darling whenever you're angry with me."

His face softened immediately, and he got up and sat next to her on the sofa.

"I'm not angry with you," he said, with concern.

She was doing it again and he knew it. Still, he felt powerless to do anything other than reassure her.

"No?" she said. "Oh, then you'd just use _honey_. You do call me Kathryn most of the time, though. And you manage to say it in a way that only you can. You always have. But you also call me..."

"What?" he nudged her on.

"Well..."

"What, Kathryn?" he insisted, playfully.

"Well... sometimes you call me bunny."

"You let me call you bunny?!" he asked, alarmed.

"It started as a joke. Well, to you, anyway. Whenever I was late for dinner or you went to bed alone because I was working late in my Ready Room, you threatened to call me something very unseemly on the Bridge if I relapsed. And _bunny_ was your excessively... sentimental word of choice. You thought it was amusing, but I was always so angry when you called me that..."

_And then you'd spend several minutes soothing my bad mood away by coaxing, kissing and whispering things in my ear_, she thought.

"Then, one evening, when we were tired after a particularly long mission... I remember it. You were sitting here when I got home. And you opened your arms and said... _Come 'ere, bunny_. And I did. We were too tired at the time. But after that, you never let me hear the end of it. I guess I... well, I guess I got used to it."

Chakotay couldn't help thinking that maybe he was neither amnesic nor shifting through time. Everything he'd experienced during the last hours was so wonderful and genial that he again thought he was probably in Sickbay at that very moment, with a concussion or something similar.

"Kathryn... You _know_, don't you?" His voice was almost a whisper. "I don't mean the Chakotay who's fortunate enough to have been married to you these past 10 years. I mean _me_, with... with what _I_ remember, with what _I've_ experienced. You know... how I feel, don't you?"

"Of course I know, Chakotay," she whispered back. "I've always known."

Then she moved even closer to him, leaning her head against his shoulder and resting her hand on his chest. He put his arm around her in response.

"Tuvok was sick," she started saying. "He was already sick in 2378, but none of us knew. Over the years, his illness progressed... to a point in which he became completely confused. He didn't know where he was, he didn't know who we were... And he didn't recognize T'Pel anymore. They had spent the last 22 years away from each other. And yet neither ever faltered in their commitment. 22 years, Chakotay... For 22, she waited for him. And for what? I wasn't able to get him home. All that time was... wasted."

"It wasn't your fault, Kathryn," he said, brushing his lips against her hair.

"Well, I think it was. But we've had this discussion before, many times. And it doesn't matter... Even if I do feel guilty, it wasn't about _me_. But it made me realize how much _I_ was wasting. I was choosing to throw away a chance they didn't have. And I was forcing you to do the same."

She closed her eyes.

"So I went to you quarters and I asked you the same thing you just asked me. I asked whether you knew how I felt."

"And did I?" he said.

"Don't you?" she retorted, turning her head to look at him and sounding almost hurt.

"I.. I do, Kathryn, but... it's complicated. Sometimes I'm not sure."

"It wasn't complicated. Maybe because, after all those years, we were still... well, _us_. Always together, in a way. Maybe losing Tuvok put things in perspective. Or maybe it was spending all that time with Miral and wanting a family of our own... But, when the time came, it wasn't complicated at all. It was... well, it was just right."

He put his other arm around her, enfolding her and pulling her closer to him. They remained silent, listening to the music and to each other's breathing, both content to hold one another.

She fell asleep before him. Chakotay didn't want to wake her, so he leaned his head against the back of the sofa and, eventually, dozed off. In a sense, sleeping on the couch was the best outcome they could have hope for. It dispensed with the need to discuss sleeping arrangements. Both would have liked to sleep on the same bed, but neither wanted to presume or impose.

=/\=


	7. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6_

The following morning, she woke up with a wince after she tried adjusting her position on the sofa. That, in turn, woke _him_ up.

"Good morning," he said in a soft voice, replacing her hand with his and kneading her neck.

She grumbled in response.

Chakotay chuckled to himself. Whenever he met her on Voyager, no matter how early it was, she would usually have already gone through her morning ritual of caffeine consumption, so she was sociable enough. However, if there was one thing he'd learned about Kathryn on New Earth, it was that she was _not_ a morning person.

She couldn't function properly until she'd had a) time to wake up properly and b) coffee. Light and sound were her enemies then, and she didn't even like being talked to.

Chakotay got up and ordered two cups of coffee from the replicator. After he handed her one of them, he hovered in front of the open door of his side of the closet. He pretended to be sorting out his uniform, but he was actually giving her time to shower first.

He then replicated a morning meal of more coffee, fruit, cinnamon rolls and butter, and he waited.

When she did emerge from the bathroom, she was wearing a thin robe, which meant he had to force himself to keep his eyes on her face.

"Can we _please_ sleep on our bed tonight?" she asked, casually passing by him and leaving a kiss on his cheek, as well as a whiff of that familiar tangy apricot scent. "If I fall asleep on the couch again, I'll need to be transported directly to Sickbay in the morning."

She had her back to him then, and was leaning over her desk to reach a PADD on the other side.

_Impossible not to look._

He did what he had been doing for years. He lowered his gaze without moving his head, taking in the contours of her hips while nudging her on with a simple, empty question, just to keep the conversation going.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes, really," she replied.

He knew her eyes would be on him again in a moment, and so he lifted his. To his surprise, she was _already_ looking at him, over her right shoulder. He gave her a bashful smile, dimples and all, and retreated into the bathroom.

=/\=

Their first stop was the Sickbay.

"Ah, Captain, Commander," the Doctor said. "I was expecting you."

"Did you find anything, Doc?" Chakotay asked.

"Yes. I don't know if it has any relevance yet, but I did find trace amounts of metreon particles in your body."

"Metreon?" Kathryn repeated. "Wasn't metreon radiation the energy source of the weapon invented by that Haakonian doctor who came on board? The one that destroyed Neelix's home world?"

"Exactly," the Doctor confirmed.

"But that was years ago," she said. "Years before Commander Chakotay's most recent memories prior to yesterday."

"If I remember correctly, that scientist, as well as Neelix's family, died of radiation poisoning," Chakotay said.

"That's right, Commander. However, nothing in your scans suggests you have been exposed to a high enough concentration that would cause metremia. I took the liberty of analyzing Doctor Jetrel's logs from that time. I'm positive I can run the test he invented on the samples I already got from you. With your permission, of course..."

"Go right ahead, Doctor," Chakotay said.

"I'll inform you as soon as I have the results."

"Thanks, Doctor," Kathryn said, placing a hand on his arm. "You did a good job".

"I'm only happy to help," he replied.

"Just one more thing. Am I cleared for duty?" Chakotay asked.

"Oh, yes, Commander. Don't worry. You're quite healthy."

Chakotay thanked him as well and left Sickbay with Kathryn. In the turbolift on their way to the Bridge, he noticed she was deep in thought, her brow furrowed and her eyes unfocused.

"Are you worried?" she asked him.

"No. Are you?"

"The Doctor mentioned trace amounts. That is not enough to make you sick. And it's a clue. We can analyze the sensor logs of the shuttle during your last away missions, and we can tell Seven and Icheb where to look. Maybe If we analyze the source of the radiation to which you were exposed, we can determine whether it could have had any effect on your Limbic System. Maybe we can also tell the Doctor what to look for."

He could see she was trying to convince herself, rather than him.

"Good, you're not worried, then," he joked.

"Well, a little worried," she sighed. "I know what you're thinking," she said. "Ten years of marriage and I still haven't figured out how to be objective about you."

"That's not what I was thinking at all," he told her.

"I can be objective in my decisions. I can act accordingly. But it's so hard to pretend when we are alone."

He was about to tell her she didn't have to pretend when the turbolift reached deck 1 and the door opened.

=/\=

The shift had been almost uneventful on the Bridge. All the work was being done in Astrometrics. Seven and Icheb were correlating their sensor readings, modified to pick up metreon radiation, with the logs from Chakotay's last away missions. Around noon, however, the ship's regular sensors detected an M-class planet nearby, presumably brimming with supplies.

As soon as she was notified, the captain – for she _was_ the captain then – ordered her first officer to assemble an away team and coordinate their efforts from the ship.

Chakotay had spent the entire morning reviewing profiles, so he already had a good idea of who to send. Ensign Paris would be the commanding officer on the surface. Her job would be to oversee the transport of whatever supplies were found. Crewman Chell, who was in charge of the mess hall, would scan for edible plants. The third and last member of the party was Crewman Damaris Cordelia, who'd be responsible for security. No life signs had been detected on the planet. It was, however, a precaution Chakotay chose to take.

After he had ordered the three members of the crew to the Briefing Room and informed them of the situation, he returned to the Bridge. All he had to do was wait for them to confirm their position on the planet's surface and then it would only be a matter of reviewing their scans and transports reports.

That gave him the opportunity to think about other things.

Many times during that day's quiet moments on the Bridge, he replayed their conversation from the previous night in his mind. It amazed him how quickly and well he was adapting to being there. He realized he didn't care about what had happened to him, exactly. He was happy. If he had lost his memory, he'd make the most of the time he still had, and would delight in learning about their life from her. If he had been hurled into the future, he didn't see any point in getting back just so he could spend his years waiting for that moment, _right_ _then_.

And to think that only yesterday he'd told Miral about not wanting to live for the future...

That was different, though. That was no uncertain future. It was where and when he wanted to be. And he was determined to make the most of it.

His thoughts were interrupted by a voice on the comm.

"Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway."

"Go ahead, Seven," Kathryn replied.

"We are detecting a change in the atmospheric conditions of the planet. The levels of electromagnetic activity are rising."

"A geomagnetic storm?" Kathryn asked.

"It's possible. I suggest we beam the away team back before the atmosphere starts to interfere with our transporters."

When Kathryn turned to Chakotay, his hand was already on his commbadge.

"Chakotay to Ensign Paris, come in."

"Paris here, Commander," she replied.

"Prepare for immediate transport," he said.

"Acknowledged."

Then Chakotay tapped his badge again.

"Chakotay to Ensign Tal."

"Tal here, sir," the ensign said over the comm.

"Beam the away team back to the ship," Chakotay ordered.

"Aye, sir."

The proceedings were routine enough. But when the confirmation that the team had been beamed back on board didn't come, Chakotay knew something was amiss.

"Chakotay to Tal, please confirm the transport."

"I can't, sir," came the unsteady voice. "I can't get a lock on the away team. Something in the atmosphere of the planet is causing some sort of interference."

"Acknowledged. Stand by. Chakotay to Ensign Paris."

"Still here, sir."

"We can't get a lock on you. Astrometrics reported increased electromagnetic activity around the planet. You'll have to boost things up on your end, Miral."

"Understood, sir. But I'll need time to adjust the settings on the enhancers. I'm not picking up anything unusual on my end.

"The radiation seems to be concentrated on the mesosphere," said Seven, who had left the channel open. "Adjust your tricorder, Ensign."

"Will do."

"How much time do you need, Miral?" Chakotay asked.

"I'm not sure. I don't even know what I'm supposed to compensate for."

"How much time, Ensign?" he asked again.

"One hour, sir."

"Keep us informed. Chakotay out."

The Bridge was silent for a moment while they all stared at the planet on the viewscreen.

"One hour?! That's absurd!" said Tom, turning back on the helm. "A week's replicator rations says she'll do it in half! Now, come on, who's in?"

Chakotay saw Vorik discreetly raise his fingers.

"Well, Mr. Paris," Kathryn said, rising from her seat. "Since alpha shift ended 20 minutes ago and since you're so invested in the success of this mission, you have the Bridge. Let me know as soon as we hear from the away team again."

"Aye, Captain," he said.

Chakotay got up as well, and followed Kathryn into the turbolift.

=/\=

Kathryn missed Neelix a lot, but she had to admit that the food had gotten a lot better on the ship since Chell had taken over the kitchen.

"No more leola root stew, then?" Chakotay asked.

"No. But we tell Neelix how much we miss it, from time to time. We don't want his feelings to be hurt," she said.

They were not the only ones in the mess hall, but it wasn't crowded either. Chakotay looked around and noticed, with pleasure, that none of the other occupants was paying any attention to them. They had been greeted by those who were nearer them when they came in, but that was the extent of their interactions. There were no curious looks, no side glances, nothing.

The couple sat together at adjacent sides of the table. Their knees were touching.

"How did they take it?" Chakotay asked, indicating the crew present with his head.

"We were so worried about them. So concerned they'd feel we would no longer be able to stay impartial during crew evaluations or personal complaints..." She chucled. "They showed us, all right. You wouldn't believe the number of different polls they had going on about our relationship!"

Chakotay laughed.

"There were polls about when we'd get together, and the bets varied from 1 month into our voyage to only when we got to Earth. And the bets were so random! One year and three months, fifteen years and 11 months... Naomi won that bet."

"Naomi?!" he said.

"Yes! That's how much they discussed our private matters. In front of the kids! And then there were polls concerning... the manner of our union. The title on that one was _What will it take?_, I believe. Near-death experience? Another man? Another woman? There was one entry suggesting we'd have to go on an undercover away mission pretending to be a couple because, once we kissed, we wouldn't be able to go back to being just friends. Guess who bet on that?"

"Not Miral...?

"The same."

"How did we help raise such corrupt children, Kathryn?" he joked.

"Oh, there's more," she lowered her voice. "I happen to know we'd make half the crew rich if we were to kiss in a public area of the ship."

She laced her left leg around his right one, grazing her calf against his shin. He swallowed, but was otherwise still. The contact wasn't exactly inappropriate, but her tone was, as well as the way she was looking at him.

Chakotay exhaled and reached for her left hand, which rested on her knee. He turned her palm upwards so he could run his thumb up and down the path between her wrist and the base of her third proximal phalanx.

"A public area such as the mess hall?" he asked.

"Exactly."

"And are we?" he said.

"No," she said, looking at his lips. Then she smiled when she heard him exhale once again. "Well," she continued, "there's duty, and principles... and I'll be damned if I'll help Tom earn any more rations."

This got a snicker out of him. He quickly pressed a kiss to her fingers before releasing her hand. Then he grabbed his glass for longs gulps of cool water.

"I'm gonna find some coffee, do you want some?"

He shook his head.

"Oh, and honey?" She approached her lips to his ear. "This time, if I happen to lean over a table, you _don't_ have to look away."

He made a fool of himself by inadvertently spitting half of what was in his mouth.

She laughed as she walked to the kitchen. _She actually laughed._

So Chakotay took a deep breath and dried his lips (and chin, and hands). He patiently waited for her to come back and he patiently waited for her to finish her coffee.

"Can we go back to the Bridge?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, complacently.

She raised a suspicious eyebrow but decided to let it go. It was only when the door of the turbolift closed that she realized what he was up to.

He pressed his hands flat against the wall to either side of her shoulders.

"I don't have to look away?" he said.

She gave him one of her half-smiles, shaking her head from side to side. So he deliberately lowered his gaze to the front part of her uniform.

"Computer," he said, still looking, "halt turbolift".

It was her turn to close her eyes and exhale. She opened them again when he touched her waist, and they stared at each other for a few moments.

He licked his lips and moved closer.

"Lt. Vorik to Captain Janeway, please respond."

This time, the two of them let out inarticulate sounds, but she still tapped her commbadge quickly.

"What is it, lieutenant?"

"Captain, we picked up a transmission from the surface. It's the away team. I suggest you come to the Bridge immediately."

"On my way," she said.

They stepped out of the turbolift and onto the Bridge exactly 13 seconds later. All thoughts of their previous conversation had been pushed to the back of their minds.

"Lieutenant, report," she said to Tom.

He seemed calm, but he looked paler than usual and his voice was a little unstable.

"We picked up a transmission, not two minutes ago. It's a recording. You'd... you'd better just listen to it yourselves," he said.

Mike Ayala pressed a few buttons on his console and they heard white noise, and then a male voice, speaking in a language unknown to the universal translator. Then they heard Miral.

_I'm Ensign Paris, of the starship Voyager. Please, lower your weapons. We mean you no harm._

The male voice could be heard again, and it was joined by other similar voices that sounded more and more exasperated.

_It's OK, Damaris, you can lower your weapon. We have to show them we have no intention of hurting them._

That was Miral talking to Crewman Cordelia, the security officer. But after that, the jumble of unidentified voices was renewed.

_Do you think they can understand us?_

The low voice was the crewman's.

_I don't think so. Listen to me. We thought this planet was uninhabited. We were looking for food. You know, food?_

After that, the sound of her voice was muffled. They could hear one or more people struggling. Then Miral was on again, this time from a distance.

_Captain - 5 of them - Northeast - and some sort of -_

There was a sharp noise, and the audio went silent.

=/\=


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Mr. Ayala, I want to talk to the authorities on that planet. Now," said Kathryn.

"Captain, there's no one there. The sensors are not picking up _any_ life signs, not even those of our own people."

"Where's Crewman Chell?" Chakotay asked. "Can you isolate the signal from his commbadge?"

"Negative, there's too much interference."

"Mr. Vorik, see if you can recalibrate the sensors," Kathryn ordered.

"I'm already attempting to do so, captain."

"Did we pick up any life signs at any time after the away team beamed down?" Chakotay asked.

"No. When we first scanned the planet after that, the interference was already too strong," Ayala answered.

"Gentlemen, follow me, please," Kathryn said, summoning them on her way to the briefing room.

=/\=

Once everybody was there and the situation had been briefly discussed, they began the meeting. Seven was the first to speak.

"I've noticed that the quantity of energy surrounding the planet has increased in a geometric progression with the ratio of 0.254. And that's not all. It grew in frequent intervals of 3 minutes and 11 seconds until it reached the level of energy that was sufficient to completely prevent our equipment from functioning. It is far too precise to be a natural phenomenon."

"So not only were they able to mask their life signs, but they also have the technology to jam our communications _and_ transport?" said Tom.

"How did that last transmission reach us?" asked Ayala.

"I'm on it," said B'Elanna, who was working on the computer terminal.

"Ensign Paris observed Starfleet protocol for hostile first-contact situations. There's no reason to believe any member of the away team was severely injured," said Vorik.

"Oh, that was clever, kid!" B'Elanna said to herself. Then she turned to the others. "I analyzed the message. The frequency she used and even the pattern in which the data was corrupted suggest Miral modified her badge to record an input and then used the pattern enhancers to transmit the recording."

B'Elanna was almost smiling. It was clear she could be proud of her daughter even if she _was_ worried.

"Well, it's simple. I'll just have to fly in a shuttle and get her, that's all," Tom said.

The command team, who had been quiet so far, were now at the center of everyone's attention.

"Seven, is it likely that our tricorders will work once they're on the other side of the electromagnetic barrier?" Kathryn asked.

"I believe so, captain," the other woman replied.

"Tom, take a shuttle," she ordered. "Locate the away team, extract them and get the hell out of there."

"Yes, captain."

All present began to stir in preparation for their exit, but Chakotay interrupted them.

"That is out of the question."

"I beg your pardon?" Kathryn said.

She was genuinely surprised. During their 33 years aboard Voyager, seldom had he disagreed with her in front of other people. He usually didn't say a word until they were alone.

"We don't know who these people are. But we do know they have the technology to alter the atmosphere of an entire planet without being detected. If it wasn't for Miral's quick-thinking, we wouldn't even know they were there. So I don't think sending the pilot of the ship is a good idea. Voyager might have to leave orbit quickly."

"I'll go," said Ayala. "I'll assemble a team and we'll be back before they even find out."

"I'm sure you could, Lieutenant. But we don't know what to expect from them, so we should expect anything. If we're borded, you need to be on the Bridge to coordinate all security teams and to personally ensure the safety of the Bridge crew," Chakotay said.

"So who do you suggest we send, commander?" Kathryn asked, her tone filled with sarcasm.

"I am the only officer in this room who's number two in their function. I'm trained in advanced tactics and combat. I've led countless rescue missions. Do I even need to go on?"

"Then _I_ should go," Kathryn said, still using sarcasm. "I'm also highly skilled and you have more than proven you can take the ship out of any scrapes when I'm not around."

"Well, yes," Chakotay replied, "but you didn't send her there. I did. It's my fault, _I'm _the one who has to go."

"No, it's _my_ fault, for telling you to lead them from the ship instead of sending you down," Kathryn said.

"Excuse me," said Tom, "but this is _not_ about the two of you! This is about my daughter and other two crew members who were taken hostage. So, no, Chakotay, it's not your fault. You sent her down because you thought she was the best officer for the job. I'm sorry! I know you haven't been yourself these past couple of days. But you did your job, and now you're just going to have to deal with this, OK?"

There was nothing aggressive about his tone, but the command team looked shocked, to say the least.

"And Captain... so you decided to take a break from pulling a double shift to have lunch with your husband. So what?! The universe doesn't care whether you work yourself ragged or have a personal life! Bad things happen, whether we're on the Bridge 24/7 or not. So you might as well live your life."

Still, nobody said anything.

"Now, my daughter is waiting. Can we please agree on who's to..."

Tom was interrupted by B'Elanna.

"Chakotay should go. I think he has a higher chance of bringing them back safely," she said, quietly.

Kathryn wouldn't have hesitated if the past few days hadn't happened. She agreed that he was the best officer to lead the rescue team, but she didn't want to send him out there in his condition, whatever it was.

Knowing what the right thing to do was, even when it related to him, had always been easy enough. The difficulty lay in the execution. Still, she had seldom faltered in that respect. And she realized that, perhaps, that was exactly why he had taken the similarly infrequent and uncharacteristic action of questioning her in front of the others.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay for a few seconds longer than she should, in a professional situation.

"Bring them back, Commander," she said.

"Aye, Captain. Seven, you're with me."

=/\=

They were working under the assumption that the aliens had some way of detecting their presence on the surface. They also knew that it had taken them approximately 35 minutes to seize the away team. So Chakotay, Seven and security Crewman Greg Poland would fly a shuttle to the away team's beam-down site. They hoped to find Chell, who presumably had not been taken hostage, and then rescue the others.

Kathryn was in the Shuttle Bay to see them off, but only Chakotay was with her. Crewman Poland had stopped by the Armory to pick up weapons and other equipment. Seven had also made detours so she could inform the Doctor to expect injured crewmen and instruct Icheb on some last-minute adjustments to the sensors. However, Kathryn suspected she just wanted to talk to them before leaving.

And that was exactly the same reason why _she_ was there.

"Chakotay..." she started.

He had been looking at the door, waiting for the others, but the way she said his name made him look at her. He took her hand when he saw concern in her face.

"I want you back here in one piece, understand? That's an order."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, smiling in that boyish, charming way that made his dimples show.

"I mean it, Chakotay, don't even think I'm kidding," she added, in a serious voice.

He put both arms around her waist.

"Kathryn, listen to me. I'm fine. I still remember how to fire a phaser."

She held his face with both hands.

"Just... be careful, honey, OK?" She said, as she kissed his cheeks, lips and jaw. "I need you to come home."

She let go of him, but he tightened his grip on her waist.

"Hey, hey, come here," he said, softly, placing one hand on her neck and pulling her closer.

He kissed her, deliberately, sucking her lower lip into his mouth, then her tongue.

None of the scenarios in which he had imagined himself kissing her for the first time were as elaborate as that one. Still, it felt as good as he'd always thought it would.

She didn't realize right away that, to him, that was the first time he kissed her. When it dawned on her, she moaned against his lips and felt her cheeks flush.

They stopped when they heard the hiss of the opening door. Seven could see the two of them brusquely putting some distance between them and looking down. She rolled her eyes. _As if anyone on this ship cared..._ She greeted them and went into the shuttle just as Poland came in, carrying three bags.

Chakotay smiled at Kathryn. She looked at the other two and, seeing them occupied in the shuttle, mouthed the words _I love you_ at him. His smile widened, and he was still smiling when he went into the shuttle.

=/\=


	9. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

Chakotay was relieved when he felt the shuttle touch the ground smoothly and, more importantly, in one piece. For a while there, after they entered the planet's atmosphere, he wasn't sure they'd make it. Once they were in closer range, the shuttle's sensors detected the nature of the electromagnetic radiation as being mostly made of gamma rays. So, obviously, they couldn't see anything different in the skies, but the ship rocked so much that, once they were safe on the ground, he had to use a dermal regenerator on Crewman Poland.

They got to work immediately after that.

"I'm detecting Crewman Chell's commbadge signal, but no life signs. I'm also detecting a structure, with an area of 12 m². It's approximately 1.3 km northeast from here. By my estimates, we can be there in 8 and a half minutes, if we run," said Seven.

"Northeast? That's probably what Ensign Paris was trying to tell us," added Poland.

"Seven, how far is Chell's signal?" Chakotay asked.

"300 meters south."

"OK. Let's go," Chakotay said.

They exited the shuttle. Each of them held a phaser compression rifle and had a regular phaser, as well as a tricorder, attached to their waists. They each carried a backpack. Seven's contained pattern enhancers, crewman Poland carried detonators and extra weapons, and Chakotay had the medical supplies.

They took a few seconds to adjust to the brightness outside. The shuttle had landed on a plain. The ground, at least for as far as they could see it, was made of coral-colored rock and dust. The sky had a similar pinkish color, as if the blue light from that planet's star had been completely scattered. The view was beautiful, and it reminded Chakotay of Mars and all its iron oxide. But that wasn't the location he'd chosen for the beam-down. Other regions of the planet looked different, and sending the away team to that spot would have defeated the purpose of the mission. Perhaps the already increasing level of electromagnetic radiation had interfered with the transport.

They set off in the direction of Chell's signal, following Seven's instructions. When they arrived at their destination, they couldn't see anything different. With her tricorder still in hand, Seven turned a larger stone with the tip of her boot and drew the attention of the others to what she found on the ground: Crewman Chell's commbadge.

"Perhaps Chell was captured with the others," Poland said.

"No," Chakotay replied. "The badge was under the rock. He placed it there. I think they had already split up. Ensign Paris and Crewman Cordelia must have warned him when they realized something was wrong."

"But wouldn't the aliens look for his life signs rather than for his badge signal?" Poland asked.

Seven looked at her tricorder again.

"We assumed we couldn't detect life signs on the planet because of the electromagnetic radiation in the atmosphere. But our instruments are still unable to detect them. I'm not even picking up y_our_ life signs. Something in the planet, apart for the EM radiation, must be preventing it. However, we don't have time for a more detailed scan right now." she said.

"I sure hope it interferes with the alien scanners as well," said Poland.

Seven looked at Chakotay. She knew he must be thinking the same thing she was. It was unlikely that an alien species would have scanners that didn't work on their own planet.

"We won't have anywhere to hide. So we must reach the structure as fast as we can. Maybe we'll be able to surprise them," Chakotay said.

And they set off.

As they ran, Chakotay could feel some of the physiological responses his body was having to the release of adrenaline in his bloodstream. His heart beat faster as he held his rifle tightly against his chest. His index finger hovered over the trigger, and he was alert, ready to aim and stun at the first sign of trouble. He was glad he'd stayed fit.

They could see a blur in the direction they knew the structure to be. But only when they got closer could they make out that it was a small construction. It didn't have any windows they could see, but there was an entrance. Moreover, the roof was flat, except for a large metal apparatus that protruded upwards like an antenna.

As soon as they reached the door, Seven kneeled in front of the panel and started tinkering with it. The two men stood before the closed doors with their legs spread apart and their guns pointing at it.

They saw sparks fly out of the open console before the door opened. Both Chakotay and Poland went in, one checking the right side of the room and the other the left one.

"Clear," Poland said, and Seven followed them.

There was nothing there except a small panel and an elevator. The elevator shaft extended downward. Seven quickly went to the panel and pushed a few buttons. She couldn't understand the text, but she could interpret the diagrams and graphics that were projected 3-dimensionally on the surface of the panel.

"This is the entrance to a one-level underground compound. There are 29 people down there."

She "touched" the holographic image a few times. "There's nobody guarding the entrance to the shaft below. However, there's one individual on the southern adjacent room."

"I still can't pick up any signs of our people," Chakotay said as he closed and holstered his tricorder.

"Maybe once we are down there, we will be able to read their life signs. The compound is under the subsoil, which seems to have a very high concentration of magnetite," she added.

Chakotay sighed. They had every tactical disadvantage in the book, from being outnumbered to entering a hostile environment they knew very little about. And yet, proceed they must. He'd be damned if he'd let Miral and the others die on a routine mission gone bad.

They entered the elevator and started their long descent.

Once the doors reopened, they quickly stepped out and pointed their weapons to the two doors that led out of that room. Seven opened her tricorder again.

"Commander," she said, "the scanners are working without interference."

The facility itself was very well-structured. It had white walls, and it was well-illuminated and not encumbered by large pieces of equipment or conduits. In fact, all power to the elevator seemed to be coming from a component that resembled a small cube of, maybe, 10 cm³. They found that out after Seven, detecting it as an energy source on her tricorder, opened its lid and saw a small power cell and a couple of chips. They weren't isolinear chips, though, nor bio-neural. They weren't even positronic.

"The Borg have never come across this technology," Seven said. "It's... elegant."

_Elegant?_, Chakotay thought. To him, that seemed off coming from Seven.

But something else seemed off. With all its "elegance", the floor of room was littered with dented pieces of metal, broken computer parts and a viscous, yellow organic substance.

Seven turned her tricorder in another direction.

"I'm picking up several life signs, including the one in the next room." After a few taps, she continued. "It's Bolian," she added, with a smile that also seemed uncharacteristic to Chakotay.

"Poland, keep an eye on that door. Can you short-circuit this one, Seven?" he asked.

Again, she kneeled in front of the panel. This time, however, they didn't stand in the passageway, for fear of friendly fire.

"Chell, it's Chakotay," he whispered, once the door was open.

"Commander?" came the faint voice from the other side.

"Are you hurt?" Chakotay asked, looking inside.

Then he saw as Chell stood up, phaser in hand, and walked towards them in a semi-crouched posture.

"I was never so glad to see you before in my life, Commander," he said.

"I'm glad to see you too, Chell, but where are the others?"

"They're being held in a detention cell, east from here. I know where it is."

"What happened, how did you get here?" Chakotay asked.

"I was already scanning the surface for food when Ensign Paris contacted me about the approaching alien party. Our tricorders didn't seem to work, even if the EM radiation was concentrated far above, on the planet's mesosphere. When Miral told me about the aliens, I figured that, maybe, we hadn't picked up their life signs because something on the planet was interfering. I ran to the others but, when I got there, they were gone. I hid my commbadge, so you'd know I hadn't been captured, and I came after them by following their footprints."

Chakotay was glad he had chosen Chell for Tuvok's Starfleet crash-course all those years ago.

"I've been mostly hiding, but I did get to learn a bit more about these aliens," Chell continued. "First of all, I don't think they were the ones who built this facility. Their behavior is appalling. I've seen one of the guards kill the other with his bare hands over a piece of... whatever it was he was eating."

"I'm not surprised," said Seven. "That's close to what I'd expect from a group who's hostile against another who goes out of their way to show they don't mean any harm."

"How were you able to move around? We've had to short-circuit the doors to get in," Chakotay said.

"I had to wait outside for some time until someone came out. Luckily, there were only two of them, and I was waiting on the roof. So I was able to stun them and drag them to the back of the building. I found this on one of the aliens."

He produced a small square made of a translucent material, like glass, that glowed intermittently in a shade of blue.

"It works on the doors," he explained.

Examining the object with her tricorder and pressing a sequence of commands, Seven was able to make the small square emit a sort of holographic 3-dimensional image while she held it on her open palm. It looked like a blueprint.

"Wow!" said Chell, unable to stop himself.

"I can't see anyone," Chakotay said. "Can you locate a computer terminal where we can ascertain the exact position of the aliens?"

"This _is_ the computer," Seven replied, triumphantly. With her other hand, she "tapped" a few symbols and, apparently, changed the configuration of the image, because then several darker blue dots appeared on the map. Most of them were stationary, but a few were moving.

"How did you do that?!" Chell asked.

"I'm acquainted with the technologies of thousands of different species, Crewman. I'm merely extrapolating."

"Where are Ensign Paris and Crewman Cordelia?" Chakotay asked.

After examining the image for a while, Chell pointed to two stationary dots.

"There are only 7 aliens between us and them. We'll take them out, room by room. And quietly," Chakotay said. "Seven, you lead the way. I'll follow you with Chell and we'll cover you if it comes to that. Poland, you bring up the rear."

And so they set off.

The first two aliens were easy to take down, because they had each been alone in a different part of the compound, and all it took was Seven's thumb and index fingers. Chakotay knew it was possible, but he'd never seen a human perform the Vulcan nerve pinch.

Again, he was silently thankful to Tuvok. He was also thankful for the fact that the aliens' physiology was similar enough to that of humans for the nerve pinch to work. They were humanoids, but they looked more like Chalnoths than like humans.

Aliens #3 and #4 were together, so that was a little more difficult. The rescue team had to use rifles to stun them, and the noise attracted the attention of alien #5, who was nearby. He was also stunned.

"Why aren't they chasing us," asked Poland. "Don't they know we're here?"

"We'll worry about that later," Chakotay said. "Let's go."

Chakotay urged the others to move fast. He coordinated their actions so they could function as a special operations unit. His tactical plan included the advantage of speed, as well as that of surprise.

Before confronting guards #6 and #7, which were positioned on the corridor where the detention cell was, the team had to reconvene. Both Seven's tricorder and the alien holographic map showed a large energy source north of their position. After interacting with the image again, she reported her findings.

"I believe the antenna we saw on top of this building is, in fact, some sort of electromagnetic ray. It seems to harvest iron from the magnetite on the planet's soil to inject the atmosphere with the radioactive isotope of iron. Iron-59 emits gamma radiation, which might account for the electromagnetic activity we encountered," Seven said. "They must have found a way to contain the radiation to that layer of the atmosphere, since I didn't detect gamma rays on the surface. Otherwise, we would have radiation poisoning. However, disabling the beam might facilitate our flight back to Voyager."

"Right," Chakotay began. "Chell, you're with me. We'll take down the two remaining guards. Poland, you go with Seven. I want you two back here in 5 minutes. There's no way of knowing what will happen once we release our people. We go in, we fix the problem, we go out. Fast."

"Yes, Commander," Seven and Poland said in unison.

"Five minutes, Seven!" he repeated.

She nodded and they left.

Chakotay and Chell reached the corridor where the detention cell was. Chakotay fired at the guard on the right, while Chell fired at the one on the left. The one on the right fell, but the one on the left managed to duck before Chell even fired his rifle. Chakotay saw the guard get in position to fire back.

"Duck!" he shouted at Chell.

They heard the beam pass over their heads. It missed, but ricocheted off the wall behind them and kept bouncing off the metal surfaces of the compound until it was absorbed by a pile of litter that caught fire, two meters from Chakotay's head.

Both he and Chell reacted simultaneously. They got up and managed to stun the guard who'd shot them.

The discharge from the alien weapon had made so much noise that they didn't allow themselves even a second to catch their breaths. They quickly ran to the unconscious bodies and each of them searched a guard until they found the small objects they were looking for.

Chell pressed the translucent tool to the panel outside the cell, and the door hissed open.

Both Miral and Crewman Cordelia were standing, ready to charge. Chakotay could see the relief in their eyes when they saw him. He could also see that the left side of Miral's face, over her jaw, was a sickening shade of purple. It was swollen, and there was a line of coagulated blood from the corner of her mouth to her chin. Crewman Cordelia's left arm was broken. He didn't even need to check the medical tricorder in his backpack. The odd angle in which she held it with her other arm was proof enough.

"Are you seriously injured?" he asked them.

"We're fine. Damaris got the worst of it," Miral replied.

"I'm fine, Commander," Cordelia said.

He didn't have time to treat them. Maybe he could regenerate some of the damage or administer some pain medication on their elevator ride back to the surface. At that moment, however, they had to go.

"OK, let's go," he said.

As soon as the first one stepped out of the cell, a deafening klaxon set off. Chakotay took the lead and he gestured for Chell to take the rear. They quickly traversed two rooms until they reached the rendezvous point. To Chakotay's immense relief, the rest of the rescue team was already there. Seven joined the group, walking right behind Chakotay. Poland took Chell's place at the rear after handing weapons to the two rescued members.

They moved as a group. Whenever they entered a new chamber, each of the 6 pointed their weapon in a different direction. Still, they found room after room empty. And with each empty room they passed, their anxiety grew.

When they reached the elevator without encountering a single alien, they knew something was terribly wrong.

"Seven," Chakotay said. "Are there other routes to the surface that they could have taken?"

"No, this is the only way up."

"Good. Let's go."

Once they were all inside, Chakotay continued to give orders. He turned to Seven.

"When we get to the surface, see if you can permanently damage the circuitry of the elevator. We don't want them following us out," he said. "After that, we'll run back to the shuttle. Miral, can you run? Because, if you can, you need to be the first to get to the shuttle. If we're not followed, great, we'll all get there together. But if they chase us, all you have to worry about is getting there first to start the engines and plot in our course."

"Yes, Commander," Miral said.

"Poland, stay at the rear. Chell, if there's trouble, you keep by Cordelia's side. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," they said.

Chakotay looked up and saw the small circle of light growing rapidly as they approached the surface. He tightened his grip on his rifle and forced himself to take slower, more rhythmic breaths.

When they got to the surface and left the elevator, Seven didn't even try to reach the panel. Five aliens were outside with their weapons drawn, waiting for them. The away team fired at them, taking cover when the others fired back. Two of the aliens fell down, but three remained while the parties took turns at firing at each other.

"This is not working," said Poland, after a couple of minutes. "Commander, I suggest we use attack pattern tau-9."

"Agreed. On the count of three. Three, two, one, go!"

Both Chakotay and Poland left the building, running to the left and to the right, respectively, while still shooting. That divided the aliens' attention and made it easier for the four who had remained inside to hit them.

As soon as the last of the three fell to the ground, the away team saw 5 faint light beams, 10 meters to the left of the building. The beams were taking shape as they got stronger.

"To the shuttle, GO!" Chakotay shouted.

All six of them started to run.

Chakotay felt his frustration rise. The aliens could beam to the surface! That's why his team hadn't been chased down at the compound. And it was a smart move, too, considering how the blasts from the aliens' weapons reflected on the walls of the facility. Why risk getting killed by your own weapon when you can just wait for your enemies to tire themselves out while you casually shoot them outside?

He looked back and saw that the 5 aliens were already chasing them.

"Spread out!" he shouted, as he fired his phaser at the chasing party.

Seven, who was the best shot in the group, had already hit two of them. A third one, who was running after Crewman Poland, fell when the latter remotely activated one of the charges he had been dropping every 20 paces, in hopes the alien would eventually be close enough to one of them.

There were still two aliens in pursuit, and their shots whizzed past the away team, who kept randomly changing the direction in which they ran.

Chakotay could see the shuttle. He had been waiting for the moment when Miral would stop firing back and would, instead, sprint ahead, but she kept lagging behind. Every time he looked at her, she was few paces farther back in relation to the rest of the team.

"Come on!" he said.

She tried running faster, but he could see she winced whenever her right foot touched the ground. So he went to her side and took her hand, pulling her and trying to cover her at the same time. Crewman Cordelia, who was nearer, covered them as well, shooting repeatedly at the alien behind them. That forced him to change his running pattern as well, delaying his progress.

"Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" Chakotay asked as they ran.

"I thought I could make it," she replied.

"If we get out of this alive, I'm going to kill you myself," he said.

"You're blowing off your chance by staying behind with me. We'll both be killed."

"I think you know me better than to expect me to let you die here," he said.

She could barely keep up with his pace. The pain on her right ankle was excruciating, but she tried to focus on how alert it made her. Still, she was deadly afraid of stumbling or fainting.

"You're putting the others at risk for my sake," she shouted.

"The others can handle themselves."

"And I can't?" she asked.

"Do I have to explain to you the role of an away team leader?" he shot back at her.

"You're not doing this because you're the team leader, you're doing this because you're my godfather."

"Who still outranks you. So stop questioning my actions and _keep running_."

The shuttle was approximately 300 meters away from the nearest crew member, who was Seven, when they saw five other aliens begin to materialize. The only advantage the away team had was the distance they managed to put between themselves and the aliens during the seconds it took for the transport to complete.

In less than two more minutes, Seven reached the shuttle, closely followed by Poland. Next came Cordelia and Chell, but Chakotay and Miral were still several meters away. More than before, they ran erratically to make it harder for the aliens to shoot them down. The downside was that it also delayed them.

Inside the shuttle, Seven told Chell to start the engines, and she remained by the entrance with the other two, providing cover for Chakotay and Miral. Being inside made it easier to shoot.

Two other groups of 5 aliens materialized farther away, one after the other. The crew members inside the shuttle were shooting desperately. Seven could see there was an alien who kept putting Chakotay and Miral between himself and the shuttle. She couldn't get a clear shot.

Chakotay realized she was aiming directly at them. He pulled harder on Miral's hand, bringing her to the ground with him and covering her body with his.

He let out a sharp cry as he felt a searing pain on his right arm. The alien had shot him, but he had also been stunned by Seven immediately after.

Together, Chakotay and Miral got up and ran for the last few meters. As they entered the shuttle, another group of 5 aliens began to materialize. Seven hurried and pressed a button on the panel to close the door. They could hear the noises of several shots blasting against the outward hull.

"Is everyone all right?" Chakotay asked as he set Miral down on one of the seats.

They nodded.

He wanted to make sure Miral was all right, but he had to get them out of there. So he handed his backpack with medical supplies to Poland, and took a seat in the front. Seven exchanged places with Chell and, a few seconds later, the shuttle left the ground and started its ascent.

=/\=


	10. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9_

Tom looked back at Kathryn from the helm and saw her stand up, sit down, and then stand up again. She was driving him crazy! Ever since the shuttle had left Voyager, she hadn't stopped moving. Not that her movements were rushed or pronouncedly anxious. She controlled her pacing, walking slowing on the Bridge with her hand on her waist. But he could still see through her restraint.

And it was driving him crazy.

Nobody had said anything on the Bridge for the past hour. Before that, the silence had only been disrupted by Icheb's voice, who reported over the comm that he'd found a nearby source of metreon radiation. Kathryn intended to set a course for that location as soon as the away team got back from the planet.

Still, the knowledge that they were closer to finding out just what was happening to Chakotay didn't bring her the relief she thought it would. Maybe if he were there with her, or even if she knew he was OK, she would have felt differently. Not being able to communicate with the away team was too unsettling, to say the least.

Three hours and 7 minutes after the shuttle had left, it finally reappeared on the ship's sensors.

"Captain," Ayala said, "I'm detecting the shuttle on our sensors. All 6 crew members are on board."

"Janeway to the Doctor," she said, tapping her badge.

"Go ahead," came the reply.

"The shuttle is on its way back. Do we need to transport any of them directly to Sickbay?" she asked.

"All 6 members of the away team have minor injuries, the worst of them being Crewman Cordelia's fractured arm. While they still need treatment, none of it is so urgent that it can't wait. I'll be ready," he said.

"Thanks, Doctor."

"Captain, they're hailing us," Ayala said.

"On screen," she replied. And she was almost immediately rewarded by the sight of Chakotay's face.

"Permission to come on board, Captain," he joked.

He was smiling, but she could see he looked tired and pale.

"Permission granted, Commander," she said, smiling too.

"Miral, honey, are you hurt?" asked Tom, seeing the bruises on her face.

"Only my pride, dad. Don't worry. I'm all right."

"We'll be there in 5 minutes," Chakotay said.

"See you then," Kathryn replied, and the link was severed.

Then she turned to Tom.

"Mr. Paris, I assume you'll want to be there when the shuttle arrives. Let's go. We'll contact B'Elanna on our way to the Shuttle Bay. Mr. Ayala, you have the Bridge. As soon as the shuttle is on board, I want you to set a course for the coordinates provided by Ensign Icheb for that metreon source."

"Yes, Captain," he said, leaving his station to take her vacant seat.

When Kathryn and Tom were alone in the turbolift, he talked to B'Elanna over the comm. The happiness she heard in B'Elanna's voice warmed her heart. They also contacted Ensign Sakata, in Engineering. He was Poland's husband.

The party met in the Shuttle Bay in time to see the landing. After a few more minutes, the away team filed out of the shuttle.

Kathryn's eyes locked with Chakotay's. They stared at each other silently in the midst of all the celebratory hugs and cries of joy. Seven was the first to leave, excusing herself. Tom and B'Elanna ran to their daughter and showered her with kisses and concerned questions. Sakata gave Poland a kiss too before they left with Chell and Cordelia, to accompany the latter to Sickbay.

Kathryn forced herself to tear her eyes away from Chakotay when she sensed Miral's approach. She was hopping, propped by her parents on either side of her. Kathryn smoothed her hair down and held her face with both hands.

"I'm glad you're all right, baby," she said.

"I have him to thank," Miral replied, pointing at Chakotay with a movement of her head. He approached the group.

"Are you still gonna kill me?" she asked.

He chuckled.

"I think I'll let you get away with it this time," he said.

She thew herself into his arms and kissed his cheek, letting him go after a few seconds.

"Come on, kid," said Tom, "let's get that ankle checked. I'm so proud of you. I bet you gave those aliens a hard time, huh?"

"Not this time, dad. Not this time..."

"Chakotay," B'Elanna started, her eyes misty.

He nodded his acknowledgment and made a dismissive gesture that indicated she didn't have to say anything. B'Elanna then smiled at him, and the three of them left the Shuttle Bay.

Kathryn moved closer to Chakotay and ran her hands through his dusty hair, skimming them over his face, neck, shoulders, chest and arms. She was checking for injuries.

"You're hurt. Come on, let's get you to Sickbay," she said, taking his left hand and starting for the door.

He stood where he was and pulled gently on her hand, stopping her progress.

"I don't want to go to Sickbay, I want to be alone with you," he said.

"You can be alone with me _after_ the Doctor treats your arm," she replied, brushing some dirt off his left shoulder.

"Can't _you_ do it?"

"It might be more serious than it looks. The Doctor should have a look at it."

"It's just a scratch," he said, pulling her closer and enveloping her waist with his uninjured arm. "Don't you want to please me?" he whispered, nuzzling her neck.

She let out a moan. Kathryn would never say it out loud, but she couldn't resist him when he was cocky like that.

She held his face with her hands and stared into his eyes, then at his lips. They had always fascinated her. Their shape, color and fullness made them seem inviting. So she kissed him, as slowly as she had done the previous morning. It was so agonizing and sensual that he forgot about the pain in his arm and about how tired he was.

Chakotay still couldn't believe he could kiss her like that. Her lips were warm as he ran his tongue over them, eliciting a muffled sound from her that vibrated through his mouth. When he remembered they were in the Shuttle Bay, he kissed her with more urgency and took two steps forward, until her back touched a computer terminal.

As he pressed his body against hers, they heard a chirp.

"Doctor to the Captain," the Doctor said.

Kathryn stopped kissing Chakotay and tapped her badge, but _he_ didn't stop. He kept kissing and sucking on what little part of her neck was not hidden from him by her uniform.

"Yes, Doctor," she said, out of breath.

"Is everything all right, Captain?"

"Yes," she repeated, even as she felt Chakotay tangle his fingers on her hair and pull gently to have better access. "What is it, Doctor?"

"Please order your husband to come to Sickbay. He's the only one who hasn't been here yet. I would have contacted him directly, but I find he responds much promptly to _your_ requests."

"I will, Doctor," she said, concentrating on keeping her voice steady.

"Thank you," and he broke the link.

"Chakotay... honey," she pleaded, to no effect. He kept stubbornly kissing her jawline. "Chakotay."

"You won't make me go to Sickbay like _this_, will you?" he whispered in her ear. "Besides," he said, placing his hands on the computer terminal to either side of her hips, "I don't want to go anywhere."

Kathryn let out an impatient, frustrated interjection and gave him a slight push so she could walk out of his embrace. She set out for the door, but he caught up with her, putting his arm around her waist, from behind, and pressing his cheek against hers.

"OK, OK, I'm sorry. Just... _please_, honey, let's go home," he said, without noticing what he'd just called her.

"You _promised_ me you wouldn't do that," she said, sulkily.

Even if he didn't remember promising her anything of the sort, he released her just before they went through the doors. He wanted to ask her about it, but there were other people in the corridor. Chakotay waited until they were alone in the turbolift, but she beat him to it.

"We can't behave like that," she said. "We're not cadets anymore."

"You're right," he said.

"Well, of course I am," she added, as if it were obvious.

"I think about you all the time, Kathryn," he said, taking her hand. "I've been thinking about you for the past 7 years. Being with you, all of a sudden, is... overwhelming."

She remained serious and looked away, a sort of exasperated annoyance on her face, a look he suspected to have been carefully calculated to provoke him.

When they reached deck 3, he let go of her hand again. She was still pouting when they entered their quarters. Didn't she realize that only made him want to kiss her _more_?

Once they were inside, she disappeared into the bathroom for a few moments, returning with a med kit. He was sitting on the ottoman. She drew a chair for herself, placing it close to him.

He allowed her to untuck his uniform jacket from his trousers. She then undid the hidden buttons that fastened the front of the jacket. Chakotay helped her take it off one of his arms so she could pull it slowly from the other. Still, he couldn't help but hiss when the fabric moved against his seared flesh. She repeated the process to free him of his undershirt. Kathryn was even more careful as he lowered his torso to help and tried to raise his injured arm as high as he could, grunting in the process.

As soon as that was done, she turned on the dermal regenerator. He could feel the stabbing pain gradually subside and become a mild throb that _didn't_ make it impossible to steady his breathing. He'd been looking at her, remembering a time still fresh in his mind when she had also treated his wound. She hadn't looked at him either back them, and he'd tried to will her to do so with his thoughts and his eyes, just as he was doing at that moment.

She was concentrating on his arm, ignoring his stare. That wasn't something she did on purpose, nor even consciously, but Kathryn always looked crossed after yielding on a particular (personal) point they'd been debating. The truth was she rather liked when he tried to soothe her with gentle pleas and caresses.

"You are so beautiful," he said.

Her lips formed into a half-smile, but she still didn't look at him.

"Well, I'm not as young as you remember me," she replied.

"Oh, I've always had a weakness for older women."

This time, she laughed. He'd always gone out of his way to make her laugh, ever since the beginning, with his silly jokes she liked so much.

"You're older than me, buster," she said.

"Yes, but I still like your hair like this. It makes you even more attractive."

She shook her head from left to right, this time with a full smile.

"You think I don't mean it?" he asked. "I'll have you know that, as a cadet, I had a crush on one of my instructors for years."

He was teasing, and she knew it, but it still worked.

"Oh, yes, I know all about your _completely_ _inappropriate_ feelings for Lt. Commander T'Piran," she said.

Chakotay couldn't help but smile.

"You're jealous?!" he asked, immensely surprised and pleased at the same time. She remained silent. "Kathryn?"

When she still didn't answer, he put his hand on her face, brushing her lips with his thumb and giving her soft kisses until he felt her relax and respond to him.

"Occasionally," she answered in between kisses.

"Tell me about one of them."

"If you don't stay still, you're going to have a scar," she said, hovering the regenerator over his wound again.

"OK, I'll sit still. Just... tell me."

She exhaled audibly. "Fine," she said. "Many years ago, probably a few months after the last thing you can remember before now, Seven made you a proposition. I didn't say anything at the time, I didn't even know about it right away. But it bothered me."

"You were jealous of Seven? Kathryn, I'd never consider a relationship with Seven."

"How do you know? How do you know you didn't accepted her offer?"

"Would I have accepted an offer from Naomi?"

"Well, you do have a point," she said, smiling again.

"Seven is nice... well, she's not nice, but she's a valued member of this crew. I can appreciate everything she went through and I do hope she finds someone who's compatible. But she's just not... she's not you."

Kathryn turned off the regenerator and put it down.

"I take it nobody told you about Seven and the Doctor?"

Chakotay was surprised.

"Is _anyone_ on this ship still single?" he asked, jokingly.

She got up from her chair to sit on his left thigh.

"Not you," she said, in between kisses. "Not single, not available."

He'd never been more pleased with himself. That was a side he didn't know she possessed. If felt good to hear her talk about him like that. He traced the contours of her hips with his hand, but stopped himself from squeezing her thigh. He had pink dust on his hair and arm, where his uniform had been torn, and his trousers were also appallingly dirty.

"What do you say you give me a few minutes to clean up," he asked, smiling when he saw that the front of her uniform had specks of pink dust as well.

"Sounds good. Are you hungry?"

"Yes," he whispered, burying his face on her neck and biting her flesh softly. Her sultry laugh rippled through his lips.

He got up, holding her waist so she wouldn't fall. Still, he lingered, unwilling to let her go.

"How do I manage to tear myself away from you to go to work?" he asked.

"I'll show you when you come back." The she lowered her voice. "You're very easy to please," she said, in a self-assured way that made him feel feverish.

He exhaled deeply and left for the bedroom before his brain became too foggy.

=/\=

He left the bathroom wearing cotton pants and massaging the sore, newly-regenerated skin on his right arm. She was in their bedroom and, on seeing he had vacated the shower, walked past him, stopping for a quick kiss, and disappearing into the bathroom a few seconds later. Before he left, she called his name. Only her head and bare left shoulder were visible through the door frame.

"You don't need me to pretend I'm shy around you... do you, honey?" she asked, indicating an item of clothing on top of the bed. He could see it was a white silk nightgown. He looked at her again, knowing she could probably read in his eyes what the prospect of seeing her in that was doing to him.

"No, Kathryn. That's not what I need at all."

She smiled and disappeared again.

As he went back to the living room, he thought about the countless times he'd daydreamed about her. Sometimes, there wasn't any context to his fantasies. His mind would suddenly be flooded by images of what he wanted to do to her, and of what he wanted _her_ to do. However, whenever he pictured the circumstances that would, or could allow them to be together, they'd never as blissful and simple as that moment. A long time ago, he'd stopped being able to imagine his life without her. But he'd never been able to conjure up just how peaceful, and at the same time stimulating, living with her could be.

And he was just starting...

=/\=

When she came into the living room, she saw a contrasting picture. The music playing was soothing and mellow (it was the second movement of Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto n.2 in C minor, op. 18: an _adagio sostenuto_). Yet Chakotay sat on the sofa with his elbows on his knees, wringing his hands and tapping the floor with his right foot.

She walked to him and, when he noticed her presence, his eyes widened as he took in her appearance. There was something in the way she walked and generally moved that was new to him. She swayed her hips and moved deliberately slowly, something he didn't remember seeing his _other_ Kathryn do.

Closer inspection of what she was wearing revealed the white nightgown to be form-fitting. It had a draped neckline and hung just above her knees. As he physically studied the garment, he noticed how amazingly soft the fabric felt against his fingertips.

She sat on his lap again.

"You're nervous," she said, placing a hand on his chest.

"No. I was just anxious for you to come back."

"Oh."

She took his right hand in hers and grazed his knuckles with her teeth, not taking her eyes off his. She then kissed the slightly chafed skin, closing her eyes and enjoying the contact.

Chakotay was ready to die of a heart attack.

Kathryn went on, guiding his hand lower and pressing his fingers against the length of her collarbone. That drew his attention to her freckles, which he'd had so little occasion to study, even on New Earth. He had a vision of her in a floral strapless dress, from years ago. How he'd wanted to do, that night, exactly what he could and would do at that moment...

He ran his index finger under one strap of her nightgown, tugging at it when he reached the top part of her arm so it would hang loose. Placing a hand over her shoulder blade, he kissed her shoulder, her collarbone, and her neck.

Her smell brought to his mind the candlelight dinners they'd shared in her quarters, when it was late and they had been drinking, and they allowed themselves to sit a little bit closer to each other than usual.

She grabbed his hand again and resumed her guiding. The exercise took a long time as he memorized her reactions, as well as her increased urgency, to the feel of his hands against her breasts, waist, stomach, calves, knees and thighs. By the time his hands went further up her legs, she was writhing against him, whispering confessions in his ear.

She tried, unsuccessfully, to concentrate on untying the knot on the cord of his pants, but the satisfying movement of his right hand made her neglect the task. He'd never seen anything as beautiful and as enticing as that sight of her. Her head was thrown back, her eyes were closed, and she licked her lips and then held him with all the strength she still had, as she felt her tension release in jolts and gasps.

As Kathryn began to recover, Chakotay placed small kisses along her jawline, cheeks and lips. He slowly stood up, while helping Kathryn to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her, to keep their bodies close, and led her to the bedroom.

Chakotay soon lost track of time. He couldn't think, feel or see anything that wasn't related to Kathryn.

He was reclined against the headboard, propped up almost to a sitting position by all the pillows on the bed. She was straddling him, with her knees folded backwards.

He ran his hands up and down her thighs as she rocked against him in a rhythm that kept changing according to rules that only she knew. She'd move very slowly, or pick up her pace, or she'd let him guide her movements with his hands fast on her hips, only to remove them and not move at all, making him wait.

During the periods of slower rhythm, when he could manage speech, he told her about things he'd kept from her over the years: the times he'd almost kissed her, the times he'd been jealous, the dreams he'd had, and the deliciously inappropriate daydreams on the Bridge. He knew he'd probably told her all that before, but it still got kisses, declarations and moans out of her.

Later that evening, while she slept with her head on his chest and her leg draped over his, Chakotay realized that making love to her brought conflicting adjectives to his mind. It was agonizingly sweet, and it was torturous and wonderful and the most delectable experience he'd ever had. He kept running his fingers up and down her arms as he fought sleep. He wanted to prolong that feeling, which he could only compare to inebriation, of satiety and happiness.

Still, he knew that when sleep finally overpowered him, it wouldn't matter.

He was just starting...

=/\=


	11. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10_

Chakotay felt the slightest pressure on his forehead, but it didn't last long enough to fully awaken him. A few seconds later, he felt it again. This time, he also registered that there was something warm against his chest, to the left. Finally, after yet another stroke on his hair, his mind was invaded by the many memories of the previous night and he smiled, letting out a moan of satisfaction.

Kathryn...

He covered the hand she had on his chest with his. _Up already_, he thought. Then, he extended his head to stretch the muscles on his neck, and smiled again at the prospect of teasing her for letting him wake up alone in bed.

"Commander," she whispered, "are you awake?"

"Oh, so it's _commander_, now," he said, teasingly. "That's interesting, honey. I don't remember you calling me that last ni-"

Chakotay stopped talking because he'd opened his eyes.

He took it all in at once. The characteristic hum in Sickbay, the overhead lights, the colorful movements of his life signs being registered on the monitor, the Doctor's surprised expression and, more importantly, Kathryn's look of concern.

The _other_ Kathryn's look of concern. The younger Kathryn's look of concern.

Chakotay sprang to a sitting position on the biobed, making both Kathryn and the Doctor jump.

"NO!" he said. "No, send me back!" He grabbed the Doctor's arm. "Doctor, send me back. You've got to send me back!"

The Doctor was taken aback for a moment, and didn't know what to say. Kathryn stepped in, putting one hand on Chakotay's shoulder and turning his face to her with the other.

"Chakotay, you _are_ back. You were late for duty. I went to your quarters and I couldn't wake you. That was 2 hours ago."

"Two hours? It's been two days! Kathryn, you don't understand! I have to go back! I can't leave her alone!"

That last sentence made her uncomfortable. Still, she made herself ask.

"Who's _her_, Chakotay?"

He looked at her, his eyes tormented, but made no reply. She held his face with both her hands, trying to make him focus.

"You're home. I don't know what happened to you, but we're going to get through this. Together."

The gesture, the caring tone in her voice, they were so similar to those of his future Kathryn that Chakotay felt his heart break.

That made him subdued. He realized it was useless. He wasn't going back. Perhaps there wasn't anything to go back to. As real as it had seemed to him, Chakotay knew he might have dreamed it.

He wanted to know for sure, but not while she was still there. He could see her eyes prying, and he knew she'd come to conclusions as to the contents of his... dreams?

But it _couldn't_ have been a dream! He would never have imagined Miral's Romulan Warbirds, or Sofin's amusement park. He wouldn't have imagined Tuvok's illness. Would he? And how could he possibly have imagined the feeling of having her cuddled up against him before sleep, or the way she'd whispered that she loved him in his ear?

Chakotay wanted to be alone, he desperately wanted to be alone.

"Was I dreaming, Doctor?" he asked

"I don't know, Commander. My scans didn't indicate you were in the REM stage of sleep. But there's still a significant amount of metreon radiation in your body, which might have affected the tricorder's readings. I can't say for sure."

_Metreon radiation..._

"Chakotay..." she called. He found it difficult to look into her eyes, so he acknowledged her, for a second or two, and redirected his gaze to the floor.

"Why don't you tell us what happened?" she said, gently.

It was the gentleness. Her soft voice hurt him almost as much as waking up and finding himself back in 2378. Each concerned look, each tender question added to the pain he felt.

"Chakotay?" she whispered. "Please, let me help you."

He winced and took her hands away from his arm and neck, holding them in his for a moment before letting go.

"Not now, Kathryn."

Seeing that he was still in his pajama pants and didn't have his badge on, he turned to the Doctor.

"Doctor, could you please transport me back to my quarters?"

"But, Commander, I want you here, under observation. There are questions that-"

"I'll be back in an hour and I'll answer all your questions. I just..."

Even the Doctor could see that Chakotay was struggling to keep his emotions under control.

"Just give me one hour to shower and change," he finally managed to say, getting up.

Chakotay didn't want to explain anything to Kathryn at that moment, but he would never have ignored her either.

"I'm fine," he said, touching her hand. She liked the gesture, even if it surprised her. "We'll talk later," he added.

Then he turned to the Doctor and waited as the latter contacted the Transporter Room and gave the order.

=/\=

Chakotay glanced around his quarters and felt desolate. The fault didn't lie in the rooms themselves, of course. They were pleasant enough, and familiar. But they _did_ feel empty to him.

He walked to the coffee table and picked up a small vase full of ancient Delta Quadrant inscriptions. That had been in their living room, propped on the ledge, on the corner of the large window. He put it down, at once realizing how unsalutary it would be to do that to himself. So he walked to his bedroom and opened the closet to retrieve one of his uniforms.

It was inevitable, though. He couldn't _not_ notice the absence of her uniforms. He couldn't _not_ notice that his bathroom didn't smell of apricots.

Knowing he wouldn't be with her, knowing he'd have to force himself to behave as a friend pained him. The previous night, as well as all the time he'd spent with Kathryn, had meant more to him than even he thought possible. It had felt right, and simple, and pleasant, and peaceful. But once he'd had a chance to think about it, alone in his quarters, he decided he _wanted_ it all to have been a dream. Because he knew he would eventually get used to being her friend, and only her friend, as usual. But he couldn't accept the idea that he'd left her alone in 2404. Not only did that possibility make him sad, it also made him angry, and he didn't think it was something he could ever overcome.

Chakotay didn't understand what had happened to him yet. But he didn't much care, as long as she was all right. He couldn't stand the idea of her waking up in an empty bed because he was gone.

He rubbed his eyes in the shower, sighing. Granted, he wasn't nearly as confused as he had been after waking up in 2404. Or when his dream started, perhaps? But everything felt unreal to him. It was as if he were watching himself and others from a distance. He touched his arm, where he had been shot, but it felt alien to him.

When he finished showering, he put on his uniform mechanically. He was trying to make himself not think about her, and to accomplish that, he focused on the pain he was feeling. He focused on how it made him feel physically sick, and on how his eyes stung.

The thought of eating something crossed his mind, but the idea only made him more nauseated. He could also draft his report, but he didn't even know how to do that. How could Chakotay tell this Kathryn that they would be married in the future, or in another timeline, or in his dream? How could he describe to this other Kathryn how she would make him feel, how he couldn't take his eyes off her, how sick with love and want he was because she had this habit of often oscillating between sweetness and capriciousness?

No, he wouldn't tell her anything. He'd use the Temporal Prime Directive as an excuse again.

It was true that he couldn't take his eyes off her in the present either, but everything was different at that moment. He _couldn't_ look at her, because her worried gaze and gentle words reminded him of Kathryn. But he also couldn't look at her because he couldn't bear being _Commander Chakotay_ anymore. And yet he knew he _could_ bear, and _would_ bear.

So much for trying not to think about it...

What he knew for sure was that he didn't want to leave his quarters. He wanted to be alone. If he tried hard enough, he might, perhaps, convince himself that, somehow, some version of him was still there with her. Then he could turn off the lights, remember the smell of her skin, and pretend to be waiting for her to come home after her shift.

Yet his hour was up, and he had to talk to the Doctor. He _had_ to know.

With another sigh, he left his room to return to Sickbay.

=/\=

Chakotay was almost there. All he had to do was turn left and walk down the next corridor. Before he had a chance to turn, however, he looked up and saw Kathryn walking toward the same corridor, smiling at him.

He stopped walking, as though he couldn't bring himself to approach her, and saw her smile disappear and her face fall before he looked down again.

When she came near him and touched his chest, intending to ask him if he was all right, she felt a pang as he flinched away from the contact. She was hurt, but mentally reprimanded herself for her selfishness. His discomfort only confirmed what she'd felt in Sickbay an hour earlier. He didn't want to be around her, for some reason. But she didn't have to understand it in order to respect his wish. She was his friend, first and foremost. And she could see her concern wasn't exactly welcome at that moment. Her previous questions had only made him more agitated.

Kathryn cleared her throat and easily made her voice assume a professional tone.

"Chakotay, do you want me to go?"

He didn't want her to go... but he didn't want her to stay either.

"I'm sorry," he said.

_What for, honey? None of this is your fault._

He shut his eyes and forced the recollection from his mind. Then he made himself look at her.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn," he said. "I don't want you to go, but I need to speak to the Doctor alone."

"Of course, Chakotay," she replied, her tone still impersonal. "Take all the time you want. I'll be on the Bridge, if you need me." Then her voice became slightly softer. "We'll see each other later?"

"Yes," he said, giving her a sad smile that immediately made her think of New Earth.

She nodded, with a sad smile of her own, and went back in the direction from which she'd come.

They didn't see each other later that day.

=/\=

"If I tell you what happened, will you be able to leave it out of consideration when you make decisions in the future?" Chakotay asked the Doctor.

"I'm not human, Commander. I can be as stubbornly objective as a Vulcan," he said. "Or the captain," he added, with a slight twinge of humor. Chakotay almost smiled.

"Because I may be about to violate the Temporal Prime Directive."

"So you _have_ traveled in time. I knew it!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"How do you know? _I'm_ not even sure. I think I might have been dreaming."

"Why don't you tell me about it, and we'll go from there," the Doctor suggested.

Chakotay tried to be brief, as well as to leave out as many personal details as possible.

"I went to bed and I woke up in 2404, two days ago. I immediately assumed I had jumped forward in time, but you suggested I might have amnesia. The crew also came up with several other possible explanations, such as a transporter malfunction and the Q-continuum's interference. The only anomaly you found when you examined me was metreon radiation. Trace amounts. That made us look for any source of metreon I might have come in contact with. When I went to bed last night, we were headed for a region of space, one with a metreon field, where I had been a few days before."

"You have high amounts of metreon particles in your body _now_. While you were unconscious, I took the liberty of analyzing the logs of the shuttle you used during your last away mission. I also checked you for metremia, by recreating the Jetrel test, which came out negative."

"You did that in the future too," Chakotay told him.

"Ah. I'm glad to know I'm still my brilliant self in the future."

When he saw Chakotay's straight face, the Doctor cleared his throat and continued.

"Your shuttle passed through a field of subspace metreon radiation, two hours before you reached Voyager."

"But I remember coming back. I had dinner with... the captain." He found it difficult to use her rank.

"Exposure to metreon radiation can have delayed effects. You didn't shift forward in time when you went through the field. I suspect the metreon particles in your body stayed dormant. They might have been activated by a myriad of things, including the chemical mediators your own body produced to counteract the radiation. I'll have to investigate."

"I thought only chroniton radiation could cause temporal shifting," Chakotay said.

"Several types of radiation have been known to affect the space-time continuum, Commander, including metreon. There's record of a very similar occurrence in the logs of the U.S.S. Defiant. Luckily, it happened before Voyager's departure from Deep Space 9, which means it was downloaded into my program. However, I don't propose that every radioactive isotope of metreon is capable of shifting people, or even waves, through time. Which is, perhaps, why my future counterpart suggested we scanned for the particular source of radiation with which you came into contact."

Kathryn had suggested that, not the Doctor. But Chakotay didn't say anything. It wasn't important.

"I'd suggest we do the same now. But since coming in contact with more radiation was probably what made you come back, I believe using our long-range sensors would be a safer option. We don't want you shifting forward again," the Doctor said, smiling.

"Could I? Could I go back?" Chakotay asked.

"You're serious?" The Doctor was shocked. "You could, but there's no way of ensuring you'll end up in 2404. It's a wonder you're back to the exact point in time when you left. Perhaps the two metreon fields are somehow connected, or perhaps, even though extremely improbable, it was mere chance. I might learn something once I study the field, although I wouldn't count on it."

"So you're certain I wasn't dreaming?"

"Yes. After you asked, I checked the tricorder data collected while you were unconscious. There was massive synaptic activity in both your prefrontal cortex and hippocampus, suggestive of much more than two hours of accesses to your memories."

"Doctor," Chakotay started, and then he exhaled audibly. "I want to ask you something. It's personal."

"Anything you tell me falls under doctor-patient confidentiality, Commander."

"Did I just vanish from the future? Did I abandon... the crew?"

"You do know that time is not linear. Don't you?" The Doctor asked, arching his eyebrows.

"Yes, but that only answers my question if I visited the future of _this_ timeline. Because then the present and the future (and the past, for that matter) would all be happening right now. But what if that was a different timeline?"

"In theory, the same rule applies. Different timelines are created by chance and by our actions. But there would still need to be a version of you in each of these alternate universes. Well, except in those in which you were never born, or have already died. But the fact that you were able to experience one of these alternate universes, if a different timeline it was, doesn't change that."

The Doctor noticed that the Commander seemed relieved. He rolled his eyes. _Humans..._

"Don't worry, Commander. I'm sure a version of you is still there with the captain, even if it's in an alternate universe in the 5th dimension," the Doctor said, smiling.

=/\=

Chakotay contacted Kathryn through the comm when he knew she'd be on the Bridge. That meant she wouldn't be able to be personal. He asked whether he was needed there and, if not, whether it would be all right if he remained off-duty until the following morning.

Kathryn was worried. She was frustrated and she didn't know how to help him. But she agreed to giving him the day off. Of course, how could she not? Still, pushing her away was very uncharacteristic of him.

Driving people away was something _she_ did, not he.

In a sense, Kathryn was almost glad for what he was doing. She felt she deserved it, and it abated the sense of guilt she felt whenever she remembered certain episodes from their past.

She specially regretted a time when he'd offered to share his holodeck time with her, which he had probably been saving for weeks, only to have her dismiss his _little game_ because she was too depressed to realize he was trying to help her feel better.

How many times had she done that sort of thing?

And yet he understood, and was resilient. It was something she loved about Chakotay, that he was confident enough to act as he felt, without a constant need for reassurance. Which didn't mean to say she _hadn't_ wanted to reassure him. She had, more often than not. And sometimes she had even indulged herself.

Kathryn knew she was not like Chakotay, because she didn't know how to accept situations as they were presented to her. She was much more comfortable with black and white, and had difficulty navigating the gray areas in between.

Chakotay, on the other hand, had never made any attempts to hide what he felt. He'd even gone so far as to tell her about it, on more than one occasion. And if his recent behavior in Quarra was any indication, she'd say he still felt _something_. She also knew that, regardless of _anything else_, he'd always try to make her feel better, offering his support and friendship, his thoughtful gifts and even his silly jokes she liked so much.

But she couldn't be like that. They were either friends, or they were something else. Which was why she had to take a step back from time to time, whenever she felt herself start to give in...

And that was why Kathryn felt she deserved to be pushed away. So _that_ was what it felt like...

=/\=

Chakotay ran his boxing training program on the holodeck for 3 hours before he returned to his quarters. He was exhausted. He'd been distracted in the ring, which allowed his opponent to land more punches through his guard. The left side of his jaw still hurt from a very well-placed straight right.

He showered again, and changed into civilian clothes. Then he ordered tea from the replicator and sat on one of the armchairs facing the windows.

Chakotay just sat there, sipping from his cup, lost in thought, until he heard his door chime. He'd lost track of time. His first impulse was not to answer. But whoever was on the other side wouldn't give up, so he stood up and walked to the door. He'd just tell her he was getting ready for bed (even if it was still early)...

When he did open the door, he was surprised to see it wasn't Kathryn, but B'Elanna.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" she asked, feigning impatience.

He smiled and made room for her, who stepped in and walked to his couch. She let herself fall into a sitting position, grunting and supporting her lower back with her hand.

"Everything all right there?" he asked.

"Let me tell you something, Chakotay. If I get any heavier, Tom will have to quit piloting the ship to move me around in a hover chair."

Chakotay smiled again. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks," she said. "So... I hear you haven't really been with us for the past two days. Well, for you, anyway. Want to tell me what happened?"

Chakotay was not surprised. B'Elanna had many talents, but subtlety was not one of them. He was surprised, however, by the fact that, when he thought about it, he realized he _did_ want to tell her about what had happened.

"You know I can't tell you, B'Elanna," he said, instead.

"Tell me part of it. Come on, Chakotay. No one's seen you all day. Tom tells me you haven't been to the Bridge. I know something's wrong. And unless you want to have a pregnant woman on your couch all night, you better start talking."

This time, Chakotay laughed. He sat beside her.

"It's complicated," he said. "Temporal Prime Directive."

"Come on, Maquis. You can do it. Just don't tell me any details about my life and we'll be safe. I'll even help you. Future or past?" she asked.

"Future," he said. "I woke up in a future... that was better than now. I was happy there. I'd never have come back willingly. And now... I don't how to be here without... without what I had there."

"Shouldn't you be glad, now that you know that you and... _your future_," B'Elanna said, emphasizing those last words with air quotes, "are a certain thing?"

"I don't know that. It might have been the future of another timeline, one I'll never have access to, no matter what choices I make in this one," he said.

"That's true," she said. "But you can change this timeline, right now. You talk about an alternate universe, Chakotay, but she's _right here_, three decks above. All you have to do is walk into the Bridge and do... whatever it is you do that makes her look at you like that."

Chakotay was so taken aback he couldn't say anything.

"You should see your face right now," she said, smiling. "What, you think I don't know?" She rolled her eyes. "If only you could see yourselves together! Even the way you say her name, Chakotay..."

"I say her name like anyone else would. It's her name!" he said, defensively.

"No. You say it like it means so much. It's indecent!" she smiled. "Did you know that, whenever we want her approval on a project or something of the sort, we wait until Friday to ask her? 'Cause that's when you have dinner every week, right? So she's always in a good mood. I would have already told you these things, if only you had talked to me about her before."

Chakotay didn't mentioned the fact the he hadn't really talked about her this time either. It was B'Elanna who brought Kathryn into the conversation.

"How can you not see it, Chakotay?" she continued. "You are always together. Tom thinks you should replace your chairs on the Bridge by a command couch. He says you spend 70% of any quiet duty shift whispering to each other and trying to bridge the gap between your seats."

"B'Elanna, we're just friends," he said. He knew he should stop her, because none of that changed anything. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to hear it.

"Yes. Tom and I were friends too. We still are. Do you have any idea of how many times I wanted to yell at you two? Haven't you ever noticed how I sometimes curse under my breath during briefings? That's when Tom kicks me under the table because he knows I'm about to get my pregnant Sa'Hut thrown in the Brig. Because, I swear, Chakotay, whenever you stare at each other when the other isn't looking, or when she touches you like she does _all the time_, or when you make eyes at one another... I just feel this urge to yell at the two of you that you're a couple of petaQ!"

He was laughing, a site she was very glad to see. She punched his arm, lightly, just to tease.

"Think about it, will you, Chakotay? I love you and I want you to be happy," she said, kissing his cheek.

The gesture reminded him of how Miral had kissed his cheek when they talked in the Arboretum, so he placed his hand on B'Elanna's belly.

"How's Miral?" he asked.

"He told you?" she asked, alarmed. "Tom told you? I can't believe it! We agreed we'd wait until-" suddenly, she stopped talking. "Wait. He didn't tell you, did he?"

Chakotay shook his head.

"Did you see her?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"We agreed I wouldn't tell you anything about your life," he said, smiling.

"Is she all right, is she healthy?" B'Elanna continued, ignoring him.

"She's perfect," he said, unable to resist. "And I'd be really nice to me from now on, if I were you. And to Kathryn. That is, unless you never want to be alone with Tom again until Miral grows up."

"Thanks, Chakotay," she said, kissing him again. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

She tried to get up, and he helped her, walking her to the door afterward.

Once they'd said goodbye and she was gone, he remembered how glad he was when he first heard Miral call him _uncle_. He sighed contently, thinking he had that to look forward to.

As for Kathryn, he knew that there was something between them that wasn't strictly friendship. He'd told as much to the other Kathryn. But it was, indeed, complicated, as he'd tried explaining to B'Elanna. Neither he nor Kathryn was a coward. If having the courage to talk about it were all it took, they would have gotten together a long time ago. B'Elanna didn't know that they had talked about it, even if through veiled references. B'Elanna didn't know that their duty to the ship and to the crew was what stood in the way.

He replicated another cup of tea and resumed his position facing the windows. He could stare at the stars until his vision became unfocused as he contemplated, instead, his memories of the previous days.

A few seconds after he sat down, however, he stopped lifting his cup before it reached his lips. Because then he realized that, minutes earlier, while he had been thinking about B'Elanna's words and his relationship with Kathryn, he'd referred to his future Kathryn as the _other_ one, for the first time since he'd come back.

Chakotay knew they were the same person, but it still felt like a betrayal to him, and it made him bitterly sad.

=/\=


	12. Chapter 11

_Chapter 11_

On the second day after the incident, Kathryn spent the whole morning trying to catch his eye. He looked at her whenever they had to discuss something, but it wasn't the same. She could tell he wasn't stealing glances when he thought she wasn't paying attention. And, whenever they made eye contact long enough for her to ask about how he was feeling, he quickly shifted his gaze elsewhere before she even had a chance.

Also during that day, the senior officers met in the Briefing Room. Harry had helped Seven in Astrometrics. Together, they'd scanned the metreon field, forwarding all data to the Doctor. The latter had been able to ascertain the properties of that particular isotope of radiation, and they even sent in a probe, which did nothing but come out on the other side of the field, unscathed. The Doctor was certain Chakotay had traveled in time, but he couldn't explain why he'd shifted to a particular stardate and then back to the same point.

Kathryn noticed how Chakotay praised Harry with warmth for doing his job which, in that case, consisted of conducting a few scans. She also noticed Chakotay's smile after Tuvok made an acerbic remark about the futility of sending in the probe.

The third, fourth and fifth days weren't too different. The Bridge was mostly quiet, because the tension was palpable, and nobody wanted to be the first to say anything.

Chakotay was his usual, pleasant self. He made personal remarks, he inquired about how she'd slept and posed other equally meaningless questions. But they only seemed to make her mood worsen. What the other Bridge crew members couldn't see was that Chakotay seldom made eye contact with her. They couldn't see that he was just asking to be polite.

But_ she_ knew. And as much as she tried to be understanding and accepting, it wasn't in her nature to passively wait for a problem to solve itself without her interference.

Still, she had to admit that remaining passive was not the main cause of her foul mood. For all her objectiveness, she was beginning to feel rejected, as a friend. She knew Chakotay had spoken to the Doctor, and she also knew he'd spoken to B'Elanna. _She_ was the one to whom he didn't want to talk, so it _was_ personal.

He wasn't avoiding her, though. But he didn't want to be alone with her either, because he _knew_ she'd find a way to draw answers from him. He'd experienced it first hand, in the future, when he'd felt powerless to refuse her anything. In the present, he could see those same curious eyes hovering over his face. She was making a conscious effort not to ask him anything, so perhaps she hadn't realized it yet, but that didn't lessen the power he knew she had over him.

During those first few days, he'd constantly thought about telling her. Part of him wanted to, more than anything. Perhaps once she found out that they would eventually get married (in at least one timeline), something would change. Perhaps she'd be able to understand how much harder it was for him, after his return, to see what he wanted and couldn't have.

But he didn't say anything, and so she spent most of the sixth day in her Ready Room.

=/\=

"Unless the hull is falling apart, I don't want to hear it," Kathryn said from her Ready Room after she heard the chime.

Still, the door hissed open and Tuvok came in. He didn't waste any time.

"Captain, against my better judgment, I have decided to take it upon myself to bring to your attention that your behavior during these past 5 days has been affecting the performances of the Bridge officers in a negative way."

"Oh, really?" she said, somewhat amused. "And what made you decide to come to me, even against _your_ better judgment?"

"How the crew performs usually falls under the supervision of Commander Chakotay. I failed to approach you on this matter before because I believed I would be overstepping. However, as the situation worsened, I observed that Commander Chakotay is part of the problem."

"What is it you expect me to do, Tuvok? I'm not following," she said, calmly and honestly.

"This is not about my expectations, Captain. However, as both your second in command and your friend, I believe it is only proper to advise you to talk to Commander Chakotay about whatever personal issue is keeping you from functioning as a team."

Kathryn laughed.

"You make it sound so simple, Tuvok," she said.

"That is because it _is_ simple, Captain. You and the commander have always been on friendly terms. So much so that, many times, during the first years of our mission, I pondered whether to point out to you the inappropriateness of your friendship."

Kathryn smiled.

"You and I are friends too, Tuvok. Is that inappropriate?"

"While your statement that you and I share a friendship is correct, comparing it to the relationship you have with the commander is not. For instance, _our_ friendship is not open to speculation."

"My friendship with Commander Chakotay is not open to speculation either," she said, almost indignantly.

"And yet the members of the crew do speculate about its nature. But, Captain, you misunderstand me. You forget I was merely relating a past concern. As inappropriate as your behavior might have seemed to me, one, it is not against protocol and two, it does seem to set an example of companionship that allows the crew to function more efficiently. It is only logical that the removal of that example should impact the crew in a negative way."

Kathryn had never thought about it like that. She believed the ability of any given captain and first officer to function as a command team was crucial to the success of any mission. Chakotay never questioned nor disagreed with her in front of the others, even if they often had heated arguments in private. That balance was an important morale booster, because it helped the crew to trust and follow her decisions. But whenever she thought about the non-professional aspect of their relationship, she always viewed that _companionship_, as Tuvok had described, in a bad light.

And Tuvok was telling her that its _absence_ was creating problems, not the opposite.

It _was_ interesting. Professionally, their behavior hadn't changed. It was their personal relationship that was affecting the crew, but not in the same way she'd always thought it would.

"You may have a point, my friend," she said to Tuvok, who raised a single eyebrow as a reaction to her use of the word _may_. "I'll talk to Commander Chakotay. I just need to find the right time."

"As I'm sure you will, Captain," he said, nodding once before heading to the door.

"Tuvok?" she called, making him turn. "Thanks," she said.

=/\=

The following morning, they were surprised to see B'Elanna step out of the turbolift and onto the Bridge.

"B'Elanna?" Kathryn said, with concern.

"Is everything all right?" Chakotay asked, mirroring the sentiment.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, which made Tom smile.

"Everything's fine!" she exclaimed, before turning to Kathryn. "Captain, can I see you in your Ready Room for a moment?"

She didn't accede verbally, but got up and went into the adjoining room. B'Elanna followed.

After a minute or two, they heard Kathryn's voice over the comm.

"Commander Chakotay, could you please come to my Ready Room? And bring Mr. Paris with you."

"Yes, Captain," he sad, standing up.

Tom had to take several deep breaths to keep himself from laughing at Chakotay's expression. Before they went into the Ready Room, Tom told him the same thing B'Elanna had told Kathryn, as part of their plan to put the command team off guard.

"It's about us," he said. "We want to ask you two a favor."

When all four were in the Ready Room, B'Elanna and Tom smiled at each other. For days they'd been waiting to talk to the other two. B'Elanna didn't want to do it while they were on duty, but Tom had pointed out there was no other way of talking to the two of them at the same time those days.

"We know that it's customary for a child to have only one godparent," B'Elanna began. "But we'd like you two to be Miral's godparents too."

Chakotay wasn't surprised like Kathryn, but he _was_ happy. They looked at each other and were delighted, both with the invitation and with how ecstatic the other was. Kathryn's eyes were glistening, and his smile showed his dimples.

"The kid's too important to have only _one_ godparent," Tom said. "Think you're up to the responsibility of protecting the savior of her entire race?"

"Tom!" B'Elanna admonished.

"Of course we are!" Kathryn said, warmly. "Aren't we, Chakotay?"

"We wouldn't have it any other way," he said.

"Besides, we only got the Doctor to agree to it because we said we would have other people on babysitting duty," B'Elanna added.

_I'm going to Gre'thor_, she thought, as Kathryn hugged her. _Again!_

Because those were all lies.

If Kathryn and Chakotay hadn't been so taken in with the idea at that moment, they would have noticed that both Tom and B'Elanna were justifying their request much more than was necessary.

The truth was B'Elanna and Tom had never intended for their baby to have a godparent. On the few occasions they discussed having kids, as if it were something that belonged to a distant future, they'd made fun of the whole concept. The fact that children were still appointed godparents in the 24th century had always seemed old-fashioned to them. Which was why Tom had been very surprised when B'Elanna told him she'd asked the Doctor, specially after not taking Chakotay's offer seriously.

B'Elanna had blamed it on the hormones, but the truth was she'd wanted to thank the Doctor. And considering him for a position most people wouldn't, because he was a hologram, had seemed like a nice way to show her gratitude.

So they'd never seriously thought about asking Kathryn and Chakotay, at least not until the latter told B'Elanna about babysitting Miral. She'd just assumed she _had_ chosen the two of them in that other timeline, the one in which Miral was _perfect_. And, led perhaps by a speck of superstition, she'd told Tom about it.

Tom had been the one to pick up on the opportunity to bring the command team together again.

And there they were, lying brazenly while making Kathryn and Chakotay smile at each other for the first time in days.

"So can we count on you to keep Neelix from turning the baby shower into the event of the year?" B'Elanna asked.

That had been _her_ idea. She wanted to give them something to talk about other than their relationship.

"Come on, B'Elanna, we talked about this," Tom said, as planned. "There's nothing wrong with a little pomp. We don't want it to be one of those boring occasions either."

Kathryn was smiling widely and, without thinking about it, she turned to Chakotay. Involuntarily, she let in a short intake of breath when she saw he was already looking at her, his expression both cheerful and serene.

"All right. But no Klingon Opera," B'Elanna continued.

"Agreed. No Klingon Opera," Tom said.

"Anything else?" Chakotay said, only taking his eyes off Kathryn after posing the question to the younger couple.

"We'll leave it in your capable hands," Tom said. "You two can figure it out and talk to Neelix about it."

"Consider it done," Kathryn said.

When the group reentered the Bridge, Harry blinked, and then he blinked again. The change was amazing and, being easily influenced as he was, even the air seemed to him easier to breathe.

Tom winked at B'Elanna just before she turned and headed for the turbolift.

Chakotay looked at Kathryn again, once they'd taken their seats, lowering his eyes and failing to suppress a smile when she caught him at it.

She looked happy and he sighed, contently, remembering everything the future Kathryn had told him about the time they'd spent together with Miral. He remembered her telling him it would eventually lead to the two of them also to spending time together alone.

Five minutes before the end of their shift, Kathryn leaned toward him on her seat. She quickly moved her eyes around, to see if anyone was paying attention, and concentrated on him, who was by then also leaning on his seat.

"Have lunch with me, in the mess hall," she said.

=/\=

B'Elanna would have been very proud of herself if she could only see how beautifully her plan was working.

They were having lunch, sitting at adjacent sides of a table, their knees touching occasionally while they chatted away about the baby shower and their future roles as godparents.

Chakotay had been the one to sit next to (and not across from) her. He'd done it without premeditation. It was just one of those new gestures that both surprised and please her.

"You know, Chakotay," she began, "I'm glad to have you around. The whole of my experience with children can be summarized in a single word: Naomi."

He chuckled, and their knees bumped.

"Then you don't have to worry. Naomi looks up to you."

"Yes, but being a role-model is not the same as knowing how to talk to them, or how to play games," she said. She put her hand on her face and frowned a little. "I'll be the boring aunt!"

"No, you won't," he replied. "You'll be the nurturing aunt, the one who'll hold her when she sleeps, the one she'll cling to when she's scared."

Her frown turned into an expression of curiosity. That was a lot of detail for a mere hypothetical situation. She let it go, though.

"What about you?" she asked, moving her food around her plate with her fork. "What kind of uncle will you be?"

"I'll be the favorite uncle, of course" he said, making her laugh and playfully slap his arm. Their knees touched again.

"What makes you say that? Have you had much experience with children?" she asked.

"My sister is only one year younger than me, so I wasn't old enough to help my mother take care of her. But, growing up, there were always smaller children around the house. While my immediate family was small, my father had many brothers and sisters."

"It's interesting. I've never imagined myself around children, and now I can't wait for Miral to be born. I'm strangely glad I'll get to spend time with her," Kathryn said.

"I feel the same way. Can you imagine what it will be like when our sisters have babies?" he said.

She frowned again, slightly.

"What about when _you_ have children? You'd make a great father, Chakotay."

He sighed. It felt so good to hear her say that.

"I've always wanted kids, and I'd have them, under the right circumstances. But between you and me, Kathryn, a stranded starship is nowhere near ideal," he said, smiling.

She gazed down at her hands, wringing them against one another. Then she looked up at his face again.

"Does that mean we don't have children in the future?" she asked, softly.

Chakotay felt the air come out of his lungs. _She knew._

He wanted to tell her, but he also wanted to ask her what she was doing. Why would she ask something like that, something so private? She couldn't possibly imagine he'd withstand those questions only to hear her refer to him as _commander_ a few minutes after. Could she?

Kathryn regretted asking almost as soon as she'd finished talking. She _was_ curious, and she _did_ want to let him know he could talk to her about it, but the question had been impulsive. He looked disturbed, and there was also something else she could detect. It was an accusatory look.

"I'm sorry, Chakotay," she said. "That was inappropriate."

"Inappropriate?" he said, almost smiling at how ridiculous the word sounded. "We're way past _inappropriate_, Kathryn, don't you think?"

"I only meant I had no right to ask. I take it back. I'm sorry," she said, sincerely.

She had every right, because he'd given her that right years ago. What she couldn't do was take back what she'd just said. And the more she tried to withdraw her question, the more humiliated he felt.

He'd had enough of all that backtracking.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, covering his hand with hers. "I wouldn't have said anything if I'd known it would make you uncomfortable. Do you forgive me?"

_Ah, there it is,_ he thought. The pleading tone, the pout, the touching. But being manipulated in that present was not nearly as pleasant. In fact, it wasn't pleasant at all.

"Of course I do, Kathryn," Chakotay replied, politely. "When have I not?"

As he stood up, he adopted a more formal tone.

"Will you excuse me, Captain?" he asked.

She had no choice but to nod. Then he turned his back to her, and quietly left the hall.

=/\=


	13. Chapter 12

_Chapter 12_

Pacing up and down her quarters was just like pacing up and down both the Bridge and her Ready Room. Going from one place in the ship to another clearly wasn't helping, but it gave her a fake sense of action, which was why she kept at it.

Kathryn sat down and leaned her head against the back of the sofa. She tried to go over the situation objectively. First, the facts.

She knew Chakotay had spent two days in the future. No, that wasn't right. He hadn't said anything about the future. She'd _assumed_ it was the future because, deep down, she'd always hoped they'd eventually...

Well, maybe.

If they ever got back to Earth.

So she _wanted_ it to be the future, but it could have been anything, really.

She'd been there with him, though, there was no question about it. And they'd been together. Kathryn remembered how he'd called her _honey_ when he woke in Sickbay. He'd held her hand then, a gesture he repeated a few times during the following days.

Well, at least during the parts of the following days when he wasn't avoiding her.

That, she could understand. He'd asked the Doctor to send him back to wherever or whenever he'd been before. His life must have been better there. She tried to imagine what it was like. Maybe they'd gone back to Earth. So, yes, she _could_ understand how hard it was for him to be back to this present, to this reality of constant danger and stress.

Back to self-sacrifice. Back to being alone.

Kathryn wondered if he felt as lonely as she did, sometimes. _Probably_, she thought. How could he not, when even his best friend was so often withdrawn? She knew he had close relationships with other members of the crew, but only the two of them shared the responsibility of command. Still, their friendship had always been about _her_ parameters, _her_ protocols, _her_ burden, _her_ guilt...

For the first time, though, he wasn't being as accommodating. For the first time, he was the one imposing some distance between them. For the first time, he was thinking about his needs, and not hers. So it seemed natural to her to try to imagine what he'd do if their situations were reversed.

Because the truly significant fact about the state of things was that he was unhappy.

He'd never watch idly as she withdrew from him and everyone else because she was too miserable to focus on anything other than her own feelings. He'd shown her as much, many times.

She wanted to show him the same. He might still choose to be left alone, but at least he would know he didn't have to.

=/\=

Kathryn was outside Holodeck 1. She tapped her badge.

"Janeway to Chakotay. I'm outside the holodeck. May I come in?" she asked.

After a few seconds, the reply came.

"I'm in the middle of something here, Kathryn," he said.

She knew he was boxing because she could hear grunting, the muffled sound of gloves touching and the squeaky noise of rubber shoes on canvas.

"Still, may I come in? Or would you rather I talked to you from here? 'Cause I can, you know, if you want me to. But I doubt it would help your concen-"

Punch. Grunt.

"-tration," she finished, smiling.

"Come in," he said.

Kathryn walked inside the holodeck, which was set up as a boxing gym. The ring was in the center of the room. There were some lockers against the north wall, as well as a long wood bench. She approached the ring, going through large, heavy bags hanging from the ceiling, and then she had a clear view of what was happening.

Chakotay was fighting a Benkaran who had roughly the same height and build as he. The Benkaran was taking advantage of his longer arm span to throw jabs at Chakotay while still staying outside the latter's punching range. Kathryn watched as Chakotay moved in and threw a jab of his own. The alien blocked the punch with his glove, and then threw another jab, which Chakotay slipped by pivoting to the right and lowering his upper body. As he did that, he kept his left glove and shoulder up, to block the straight right he knew would follow the jab. Chakotay still managed, however, to be quick enough to slip the right straight as well, and he was able to counter-punch with his free left arm. The left hook hit the alien square on the jaw, making him lose his balance for a few moments. Chakotay then used the opportunity to lay an alternate sequence of jabs and straights to his opponent's ribs.

He stopped when the bell rang, and sat on the stool on his corner. Chakotay looked at Kathryn for the first time as she approached the ring. He took out his mouthguard and splashed cold water on his face and mouth, spitting and cradling his swollen left cheek with his hand.

"Chakotay, we have to talk," she said.

"You have about 40 seconds until the next round," he replied.

She thought she should be angry with him for his curt answer, but there wasn't an ounce of anger in her at that moment. She could understand it.

He was drying off his face with a towel, so Kathryn took the time to look at him. She loved how broad his upper body was. His shirt was wet, and it hung tightly to his ribs and abdomen. She couldn't help but reach out and touch his arm, lightly, where his flexed biceps strained the sleeve of his shirt.

"Chakotay... I know you're upset," she said. "And I know you're angry with me."

He wished he could _not_ say anything, but it was beyond him.

"I'm not angry with you, Kathryn", he said, looking at her.

"You're unhappy."

This time, he didn't say a word.

"You have to tell me what happened," she added.

"What about the Temporal Prime Directive?" he asked, ironically.

She could see his pulse as the blood in his carotid artery made his skin move repeatedly.

Then the bell rang again. He put his mouthguard back on, stood up and walked to the middle of the ring.

He didn't let his opponent get too comfortable. Instead, he moved and got a few punches in as soon as the alien was within reach.

Kathryn rolled her eyes. Chakotay was being purposely difficult.

"Chakotay," she repeated, a lot less patiently. "Would you please come out of there?"

"I told you I was busy," he said, as he blocked a punch with his right arm.

"I don't care about the Temporal Prime Directive," she said, loud and clear. "I care about _you_!"

He dropped his arms and looked at her. A second later, he was on the floor. The alien had seized the opportunity to land a powerful right hook that hit Chakotay on the jaw and knocked him down.

"Computer, stop program," she said, hurriedly walking into the ring and kneeling to his side. "Are you all right?" she asked.

His lip was split and the left side his face was red and already swollen, but he was conscious.

"I think so," he said.

She helped him up and guided him to the bench near the lockers. He sat down with his legs to either side of the bench.

"Computer, give me a medkit," she ordered. It appeared on the floor, in front of her. She picked it up and sat down facing him, also straddling the bench. Then she placed the medkit between them.

Chakotay touched his gloved hand to his left temple and shook his head.

"Here, let me help you with these," she said

Kathryn untied the lace on his right glove and slipped it out of his hand. She held his outstretched hand on hers and ran her fingers over his reddened knuckles. She smiled when she saw he wrapped his hands the old-fashioned way, with pads, gauze and tape.

"There are scissors in my bag," he said, pushing the bag on the floor toward her with his foot. "You have to cut it here, between the center of my palm and my writs."

She did so and repeated the process to free his other hand. Then she used his towel to clean the droplets of blood that had dripped onto his chin.

"I'm sorry," she said, with a sheepish smile.

"Who needs a skilled opponent when Kathryn Janeway is in the room?" he said, also smiling.

Kathryn took a dermal regenerator from the kit and turned it on, holding it over his lip.

Chakotay couldn't help but remember how her future counterpart had done just that a few days ago. He sighed.

"You've had to do this before," he told her.

"Oh?" she said, trying to masquerade her curiosity.

"I was shot."

"I hope that wasn't _my_ fault too," she said.

He chuckled.

"No, that was during an away mission. I was nowhere near you, so I was safe. Well, saf_er_."

His guard was down, so she felt confident enough to broach the subject again.

"Chakotay, we _do_ have to talk," she began.

"I know."

"I need you to let me try to help. I can't watch you being miserable without doing anything. I'm your friend. I know..." she paused. "I know I can't compete with... with whatever you had there that now makes this reality seem meager to you. But I am your friend. And I remember a time when that added to your life."

It occurred to Chakotay that his attitude was hurting her. He'd been so focused on wallowing in his feelings of inadequacy and loss that he'd failed to consider her.

He immediately felt guilty. That was not him, it was not who he wanted to be. How could he have been so selfish as to allow her to feel that she wasn't enough?

"You do add to my life, of course you do," he said, promptly. "You know how angry and miserable I was before I met you. You know that I owe you my sense of purpose and my piece of mind. I've told you these things already."

"But you are angry and miserable _now_," she said, turning off the regenerator.

He couldn't argue with that. They remained silent. Kathryn looked down and slowly moved her hand near his on the bench. She let the tips of her fingers brush his, and he intertwined them with hers.

"We didn't have kids," he said, quietly. She looked at him and swallowed once. "We didn't talk about it while I was there," he continued. "But I imagine we decided against it, even though we wanted them. It was hard enough to balance the job and our personal life _without_ having kids. We worked different shifts whenever we could, instead of pulling double shifts, just so we could each sleep while the other was working. That left us more time to be together."

"We never got home, then?" she asked.

"In 2404, we hadn't. Not yet."

"Do you think that our relationship had any part in that?"

Kathryn was surprised by not being uncomfortable. She'd thought about all that so many times. Talking to him about it seemed only natural, now that it had come to that.

"I don't know, Kathryn. We were a lot more careful in the future. You were not so impulsive, nor so ready to take unwarranted risks. But I don't know that it was because of our relationship. A lot of things happened in the future that... well, that might account for our change in behavior."

"But I still sent you on an away mission to get shot."

"No, you sent me to get Miral back. She was locked up in an alien cell. She was hurt, Kathryn. We love that kid as if she were our own daughter. We _had_ to do something," he said.

He looked up at her face and saw she was staring at him, hanging on his every word. He continued.

"Everything was different there. More children were born on the ship, other than Naomi and Miral. And we weren't the only ones who got married."

_Married?_ He hadn't said anything about them being married.

"Many members of the crew did the same. And what happened to Miral made me realize something. We think we are so unique because we are responsible for the others, because we can send them to their deaths. But we're not unique at all. Every other member of this crew goes through the same. They still feel responsible for one another, even if there's no question of rank, no Starfleet document imparting that obligation. And do you know why? Because they care for each other. They've formed relationships, just like we have. And they deal with those fears and responsibilities every day, while we conveniently hide behind our positions."

Kathryn thought about what he'd just said. When she first realized he'd been to a reality in which they'd been together on the ship, she was vaguely and irrationally surprised, for a second or two, that the ship hadn't spontaneously combusted as a result.

"There was something Tom said to us, in the future. He said that the universe doesn't care whether we choose to work around the clock or have a personal life. Bad things have happened, and will continue to happen, whether we are on the Bridge most of the time or not. And he told us we might as well enjoy what goodness we could find. So now we either continue to sacrifice everything we have to this ship, or we allow ourselves to live as normal a life as possible. We allow ourselves to be happy."

He took a deep breath and then kissed her knuckles, waiting, wanting to hear her opinion.

"You'd leave me?" she asked, her voice quavering.

That was _not_ what he was expecting.

"You asked the Doctor to send you back. You'd leave me here, alone," she said, taking a deep breath and opening her eyes more, to keep her tears from falling.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"But you did. And you meant it. You'd leave me alone to be with her."

"With you," he said, his hand on her cheek. "To be with you!"

Kathryn looked into Chakotay's eyes as she processed what he'd just said.

"So you would give up 26 years of your life... just to be with me?"

He ran his fingers through her hair.

"I know I was only there for two days," he said. "But now I don't want to live without you anymore. I made you happy," he continued. "I was finally able to lighten your burden, like I've always wanted," he said, pressing his lips to her cheeks and eyes.

"You already do," she said, closing her eyes. "I don't deserve you."

"Shh, don't talk like that," he said, brushing his lips against hers lightly. "I am a better person because I have you in my life. I strive, daily, to be a better officer, a better friend... to be a better man. For you. You have that influence over people. You bring out the best in them, and you make them want to overcome their deficiencies out of loyalty to you. That is who you are, this incredible, nurturing force. I love that about you."

"What if I try to push you away again?"

"I won't let you," he said, kissing her lips once. Then he kissed her jaw and neck.

"'Cause even if I do, that won't mean I don't love you," she said.

She felt him smile against her neck.

"Say that again," he asked.

Kathryn held his face with both hands and looked into his eyes.

"I love you," she repeated. And then she leaned in to kiss him, taking his lower lip between hers and running her tongue over it.

Then she stopped, suddenly.

"It doesn't hurt, does it?" she said, with a playful smile.

Chakotay smiled too, widely.

"No, it doesn't," he said, pulling at her hand as he leaned in again.

"I had to ask! I'd hate to be the cause of any physical pain to you. Again," she said, teasingly, while trying to keep a straight face.

"Come back here, Kathryn," he said in a low voice, as he pulled her to him and kissed her again.

Kathryn had been right in what she'd told him, in the future. When the time came, it wasn't complicated at all.

=/\=


	14. Epilogue

**Author's note:** I want to thank everyone for reading. The reviews are truly lovely, with all their appreciation and constructive criticism, and they certainly made me even more eager to keep writing. Thank you for your time.

* * *

_Epilogue_

_2383_

As he leaned against the door frame of the bathroom, Chakotay smiled when he saw that Kathryn was brushing her teeth and hair at the same time. She was still in her undershirt, and looked exasperated as she knocked a bottle of soap over the counter.

Kathryn looked up and saw him staring through the mirror, over the brim of his coffee mug, with a smirk on his face.

"I'm glad you find this amusing," she said.

"Not amusing," he replied. "Just generally adorable."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her jacket, which she'd left hanging on a towel hook.

"You don't care that you're going to be late for class?" she asked.

"We're not going to be late, honey," he replied.

"How can you be ready to leave, anyway?"

She put on the garment and adjusted it in the mirror, freeing her hair from inside the jacket.

"I know where my things are. That usually helps," he said, pointing at the pips on his collar.

Kathryn looked at her reflexion and realized her pips were missing. When he saw she'd have to go to the room, he turned sideways, to allow her passage. But he purposely positioned himself in a way that forced her to squeeze past him. The front of their bodies were pressed together for a moment, and Chakotay caught her smile as she went to the nightstand on her side of the bed.

When she went back into the bathroom, he made her press against him again. But, this time, he took a short step forward, trapping her against him and the door frame.

"Chakotay, we're going to be late!"

"And whose fault is that, Kathryn?" he asked as he kissed her cheek and then her neck.

"Oh, don't you dare blame this on me! I didn't hear you make any complaints at the time."

"Of course not," he said, kissing her lips quickly. "What man in his right mind would complain about his wife doing _that_?"

She smiled and held his hand by the wrist, guiding his coffee cup to her lips and taking a sip. Then she used her mildest, most gentle tone. Hopefully, it would work.

"Now, honey, please," she pleaded. "Let's go, OK?"

"Give me a kiss first," he said, leaning down.

Kathryn knew, from past experience, that it would be a lot quicker, and more enjoyable, to kiss him, instead of arguing against it. He was much more pliable when she, in turn, yielded and complied. So she did kiss him, standing on tiptoe and putting her arms around his neck while he held her by the waist.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear. Her response was a low, contented hum.

=/\=

Five minutes later, they left the apartment.

It was a beautiful morning in San Francisco. The skies were clear blue, and she felt the sun warm her face and hands. Kathryn was sorry to be late. She'd much rather be able to walk to work with Chakotay, at least for as long as they could until they had to part ways.

That morning, however, they walked together only as far as the nearest transporter. They were not quite holding hands, but allowed the sides of their bodies to touch. When they arrived, she ran her fingers down his arm once, in lieu of a goodbye kiss. Chakotay let her beam away first, and she stepped onto the platform wearing her serious admiral expression.

He made her smile, though, when he mouthed "Bye, honey". Still looking at Chakotay, Kathryn thanked the Ensign who was at the controls and, a few moments later, she slowly began to fade away.

He was still grinning when he stepped onto the platform.

_The end._

=/\=


End file.
